Some Nights (fun.)

"You did a bad thing. Deal with it." - Jess

It's funny how sometimes the simplest statements can seem so profound. I try to live my life in what I view as a good and moral way, but I think everyone gets to a stage of life where they experience terrible things they never thought they'd be going through. It's like you have this mentality as a child growing up that if you do everything that you're supposed to then nothing bad will happen to you. But perhaps having a complete and utter lack of your sense of adventure in itself is an immoral action. After all, this world was created a beautiful, wondrous thing. There are so many mysteries to be hatched, situations to be taken advantage of, and times to be run with. You really have to be willing to run with life sometimes. I didn't think in high school that I'd end up living in Alaska with my family and switching up majors less than a year in (I certainly didn't foresee the dental hygiene major that I started out with). I didn't expect heartbreak to lend me a new and more experienced perspective on the world that allows me to appreciate a broader range of emotions toward just about anything and everything. Honestly I feel like the Grinch standing on top of the mountain getting ready to experience further damage to my heart and instead experiencing an immediate rush of love and understanding. It's beautiful that we humans have songs not only about love and happiness, but also about sadness and heartbreak. We relate to one another, and we express an empathy toward the stricken individuals that most other times in life we keep in check. We honor the strength it takes to pick yourself back up after you've made one mistake or another. There are many forgivable crimes you can commit against other people, but the strangest and most unpredictable are on an emotional level. At some point we all have to be the bad guy and realize that a lot of people aren't inherently bad, they just have to make a few mistakes before they fully understand the world and what their role in it demands of them. That doesn't mean you have a free pass to go out and intentionally destroy stable life for others - it only means that when you accidentally find yourself in a predicament where you've turned out to be the bad guy you shouldn't be afraid to come forward and admit what you did to yourself and others. You should be able to recognize that getting caught up in a lie or a bad situation doesn't make you a bad person by association. It only means that you made a mistake, and it's how you react once you realize the gravity of your actions that really defines the sort of person you are. In most cases overcoming obstacles serves to make you a stronger person with a bigger understanding of the world. It gives you the power to empathize and help others along the right path who have followed a road similar to your own. When a problem first presents itself to you it can seem like a black hole in your life, sucking in everything good and leaving in its wake bad situations and an abyss of despair, but the more you try to cover it or move on without facing it and accepting responsibility, the more you will find yourself stilted in success and happiness. When you've managed to handle a bad situation with the utmost grace, when you've served up your soul in its truest form and faced up to the consequences of your actions the feeling of peace and prosperity is one of the most wonderful feelings in the world. I have to wonder also, when Centuries by Fall Out Boy talks about the obscurity most humans face unless they commit some terrible crime, at the awful truth of it. It's true that some of the most well known figures memorialized within our societies are the appalling perpetrators of the most horrific crimes. We pass down the names and judgements in hopes that future generations will not repeat the mistake of trusting similarly inclined individuals but what now are we to do when our future generations understand that one of the easiest ways to be remembered is to become heinous and notorious for something. I guess it all comes down to good parenting, good morals, and having enough people in a society that are willing to commit their time to helping someone for the sake of human sympathy, and not to gain something themselves. What more fulfilling thing can you experience than the knowledge that your time has been well spent, the world is better for having you, and you will be memorialized in the form of other people stepping forward to do exactly what you have done for others. In other words I've been letting my slightly philosophical views on plagiarism lead the way as I ponder paying it forward, and taking the good, taking the bad, taking them both and learning about the facts of life. To further my cliche I'd like to close by saying that you can be anything if you want it badly enough. You can travel, make money, influence people, make real friends, make a difference in society, learn how to do just about anything you please... Anything you want is within your grasp. I always think of Where the Red Fern Grows when the grandfather told the boy, "If you want anything bad enough you'll get it. You just have to meet God halfway." Again I have always been struck by the profound meaning in his simple words. People grow up here being told that they can have whatever they want, be anything they want to be. It's become fostered into our social structure that if you want anything badly enough it'll just come to you. But that certainly isn't true... You have to work, prioritize, and put everything you have into something to get it sometimes. Sometimes things fall right into your lap, and you can count yourself blessed for that - but most of the time nothing can get you from point A to point B except a keen sense of determination and perseverance. If you want something bad enough and you're willing to put in the work, you'll get it. It takes a resilient person to use the roadblocks as springboards, and it takes an impressive person indeed to view the overcoming of these roadblocks as a fantastic journey that provided you with a deeper sense of understanding, emotion, and a great story to tell at the end of the rainbow. 

Jealous (Nick Jonas)

The days are getting colder, but not cold enough for those of us who are concerned that the Iditarod may be moved to Fairbanks. That would be totally bunk. Not that we don't have our fair share of events here in Anchorage and the Valley, but the Iditarod is pretty high on the list, and I was looking forward to it! While I'm on the subject of unfair events that skip our area, what's up with all the other states getting Warped Tour and we're only "Road to Warped"? I mean, it's basically the same thing, and Newfound Glory plays us almost every year so I'm not exactly complaining (especially with the mostly crappy lineup for NorCal this year). You just have to burst our bubble by saying we're "the road" to Warped tour, as if it's somehow less legit. Uncool. One thing that we are having is the Mud Factor 5k in June, which sounds completely hilarious. Being that I'm basically hunting for cool 5ks, I'm thrilled about it. I think I'll volunteer. ;) If you volunteer at the Mud Factor you get tons of MF gear plus free entrance to a future event! Also, they hold a big Fun Fest the day before the race (music, food, beerfest...) and they'll be having We The Kings and Watsky here in Alaska (among some smaller bands). The Color Run is obviously a must, especially with the new Shine tour offering glitter. I hear they also do a Night Run on the Color Run with glowing paint. I was really excited about that until some dream crusher reminded me that I live in Alaska, and it would be almost impossible to do a glow in the dark paint run on an Alaskan summer night... (It would still be light out). On the same day as the big Fun Fest for Mud Factor they're doing a Triathlon here in Wasilla with a 5k run, 400 meter swim, and a 9.5 mile bike ride. I am dying to try that one, mostly because doing a Triathlon is on my bucket list, so I guess I'll have to just choose between the two events or try to hit up both somehow... Either way June is going to be a crazy month for me! I picked up a ticket to see Fall Out Boy in Sacramento this August recently. Also Wiz Kalifa... I'm not entirely sure why Fall Out Boy is touring with Wiz Kalifa but whatevs, the tickets are really cheap on Groupon and I suspect it's going to be a blast. Finding all these great events in my area is awesome for me, I can't wait to try them all out. :)

Home (Phillip Phillips)

There is nothing like a day where you make friends, laugh, and feel like you belong 100%. Today was one of those days and I know it seems funny but I'm starting to realize more and more that when you meet the right people then you don't have to work for it really at all - you just click. I'm working for an amazing family and I get along really well with the mom. The great thing is that the more I find myself fitting in the more confident I become, and the more people feel comfortable with me. Today I spent the day at a superbowl party with a bunch of twenty year olds I had never met before. Right away I felt comfortable and as the day wore on and we talked, laughed, played endless amounts of games and eventually related on several silly topics I was really relieved to find that there really are people in my area that I get on with quite well. I showed up at two thirty after wandering up and down their street about five times and creeping out a few joggers with their dogs. Finally when I made it, fully equipped with five decks of cards, a game called "What?" and two bags of chips. Everyone was downstairs watching the game. I was quickly introduced to logical Nicole, whimsical Emily, wacky besties Ben and Kaylee, outgoing Scott, silly Dan, orderly Ellen and technical Zach. That may or may not be how I remembered their names. ;) Amusingly, Zach turned out to be a lot like another Zach I used to know, even if we didn't really hit it off as instantly as some. Most of the girls plus Ben abandoned the football game pretty quickly for a long round of games beginning with 'What?' And moving to Catch Phrase, and BS. Kaylee and I (the name similarities between us had both our heads turning circles all day) hit it off over Supernatural, Doctor Who, and our mutual distaste for seafood. Once Ben and most of the other girls had left Kaylee and I were still chatting it up over some card games with Dan. We were, that is, until some very heated rounds of Nuts began (Thank God they had a different name for it - 'Nerts' is a little less suggestive than Nuts). As the game ended we drew a crowd to the Nerts table until Ellen, Kaylee, Scott, Dan, little Dan, Emily, and eventually even Zach had no choice but to join. By the time it was eight PM the crowd had dwindled down to Ellen, Nicole, Emily, Zach, Dan and I, who went downstairs to watch the Maze Runner. We joked our way through. Overall the feelings of confidence and belonging snuck up on me. There wasn't a single point in the day when I felt that I was being targeted, or even aggressively disagreed with. I laughed, I played, I even correctly referenced "'Tis only a flesh wound." much to the delight of my companions. I've been informed I must watch "Galaxy Quest." All in all I guess there really is nothing like a group of people that you feel a great connection with. Sometimes if things are right you can just feel it, right off the bat.