Lucky One (Simple Plan)

It's been years since I had an interest in Simple Plan as a band, having felt that I outgrew them with the end of high school. These days it feels like these songs and their relatives serve mainly to remind me of another time in life; another me. But recently I discovered their newest album, and unexpectedly some of it has really spoken to me. The older I get the younger I am and, as cliche as it sounds, the less I know. The world becomes bigger, and even as I speak it looms at the door waiting to swallow me up if I don't step forward and take it on of my own accord. Some people let life live them, but I am determined to take charge of my own life and live it for the purposes best suiting God.

All my life I've observed people living their lives in different capacities and some altogether letting go under the pressure. There is no one correct choice for everyone, but every single person will encounter moments of crises and fear when they're not sure which way is best. It's most essential to remember to keep going and have faith. I love a challenge, I end up reminding myself. 
When I get lost in the big decisions or there doesn't seem to be anything great happening in my life I have to remember the small things. Eating well, going to the gym, putting in good work at my job, reading an excellent book, learning something new, dreaming up a new addition to my bucket list. The small battles can be the big battles when your personal health and general outlook on the world affect your ability to step outside the day to day and take on an unusual challenge. 
How can I travel abroad unless I first learn to handle my day to day finances? How can I learn to box if I don't keep up with my diet and exercise daily? How can I manage to do anything with the intensity I desire if I don't get a decent night's sleep? The small battles are the big battles.

Another great thing to remember is not to be critical of yourself. When taking swim lessons before my triathlon I remember how nervous and mortified I was to be taking a simple swim lesson at twenty years of age. But I made myself go and when I got there, there were many others in the class for the same reason, some older than me. 
That was a really big discovery for me because it made me realize that the people who truly accomplish things in the world are the ones who aren't afraid to be honest, to admit their weaknesses or lack of knowledge in an endeavor to learn even more. 
The people who allow the sometimes hostile world to dictate their lives and are afraid to admit what they don't know or can't do, are the people who never progress. The ones who aren't afraid to laugh at themselves, make a few mistakes and run with the program knowing that they can't control it are the ones who find themselves better adapted to take on life.

You have to get ready for what God and life bring your way. Life is like a roller coaster, and nothing says there's a big dip in the track coming like a slow, boring period of ascension. If you have a few moments to get your life in order, then make sure you are prepared in the little ways. Build yourself up in the most important ways: your bodily health, your mental health, your relationships.
 Give yourself little things to look forward to in the week. I have my zumba class twice a week and youth group on Sundays that sometimes is the only thing that makes the whole workweek worth it. Count the days you manage to eat well and brag a little bit! The milestones are important, and if you're an achievement personality like I am, cataloging your progress is important.

Don't be afraid to let the little sunspots invade your life. Smile, let your whimsy shine. This has always been a great motto of mine in life and more often than not I feel joy bursting through me like liquid sunshine and spilling over (I hope) onto those around me. There can be a lot of things in life that worry or get you down, and nine times out of ten it won't do you a bit of good to spend time worrying over it. 
When I get into a situation that I find distressing, I take a few deep breaths and think of something else. When I'm calmer I can formulate a better solution, and when I'm calmer I am doing the best thing for myself. In my entire life I have never heard a smidgen of evidence that worrying improved life or health.
On the contrary, worrying has been proven to lower not only your mental, but your physical health. Since I don't personally enjoy worrying or being angry myself, that's incentive enough for me to want to lower my contact with these detrimental emotions which, granted, have their place and time, but not the frequency we seem to allow. Letting the good outshine the bad in your life, "counting your blessings," can be a majorly positive change in your life, releasing your inner sunny disposition and secret adventurer.

Last but not least make good decisions about your time use, and who you allow to be a part of your life. For me this is the hard part. I'm the sort of person who loves to have a good time, and loves it even more dearly when everyone goes home with the warm fuzzies afterwards. Cutting things or people out is a hard thing to do, and it's a sad fact of life that is sometimes necessary. You have to have faith in your life cause to do this. You have to know as a general, what things you are meant to do in the world and based from that what is a good thing for you and what is bad. 
Some people in this world will crush your soul if you let them. I can only hope to be a guiding light to these people, that they will learn that whatever forces are at work in their life to make them the way they are is destructive not only for the people around them, but for they themselves.
Other people are just going through a hard time in their life and need someone to be there for them. In a healthy context, with the correct boundaries in place, this is exactly one of the life purposes we should all be carrying out as people of God, and also as general human beings.

Like everything else on this life, a balance must be kept. There are some people you are not equipped to help. Everyone has their problems and most of them will not be resolved through condemnation. Until someone chooses to realize their problems on their own and in their own terms you can't help them. The best you can do is to live your life in a memorably loving kind way. 
People will come to you of their own accord when they realize that you have a thing or two figured out. Don't let that go to your head though, we are all students of life, and we are all flawed. I have as many problems as the next person, and I make certain that I am never afraid to admit my faults.
When I am no longer able to be truthful with myself and others about what I'm doing wrong, there is no room to be duly impressed with what I've managed to do right. I'm just another face among a countless number, but the spirit behind this body - I hope that will make an impression on this world that has made such an impression on me.

I Saw Her Standing There (The Beatles)

It's June in Alaska, which is fairly predictable every year in the fact that the weather is absolutely unpredictable. Then again, the same may be said for every other month and season way up North. I've been blessed with adventures galore with my friends including last month's trip to Talkeetna. My three closest friends and I loaded ourselves into one car on a whim one afternoon and made the 2+ hour drive to Talkeetna. We spent the afternoon wandering the small town there, and ate at the brewery. It was a great place, filled with eccentric atmosphere from the outdoorsy cabin theme complete with wooden tables to the interesting choices of art in the bathrooms. My friends and I crowded into a table, chatting about the usual nonsense that true friends always do and ordering various appetizers and meals. The food was actually really good, as promised by our friend, chef Dan. It was the kind of burger I could imagine my dad really sinking his teeth into. The kind that you can be assured they made their own hamburger patties for, with that smokey taste you can't help but appreciate. The kind of burger that has real cheddar cheese and a toasted bun, and if anyone dared place a dehydrated onion on it they would probably receive the death sentence.

 We wandered across the old bridge onto the beach and chattered as we braced ourselves against the cold breeze and walked along the massive logs washed up on the beach. In the end we ended up wandering the local graveyard, filled with a collection of new, old, respectable and eccentric gravemarkers. It's a humbling thing to look on the face of a yard filled with remembrances of vibrant living beings who once graced the world and brought love, joy, pain, happiness, sadness, and purpose to others in the world. There were graves for old people, young people, soldiers, teenagers that passed in driving accidents. I don't think I was as humbled as my friends at the prospect of the graveyard. We wandered from stone to stone, and I was reasonably subdued in respect of the dead. It's curious how the prospect of loss affect even those not directly associated with it. 

I Need Your Love (Mohombi, Costi, Shaggy, Faydee)

The past week (and more, this post has been a long time coming) has been a whirlwind of blessings and fun. Monday is always a difficult day for anyone but coming from me that's almost a ridiculously ungrateful statement being a nanny, who has been known, at times, to be paid for napping. The boys and I have spent the past two weeks going to the park, the library, and the museum. Sometimes I struggle with being a nanny, in truth. I truly love working with children, particularly the family I have been blessed to work for, but the level of patience necessary is an ongoing learning experience for me. My friends Hannah, Lexie and Zach hiked the Butte with me last weekend which was a blast. It only took about five minutes for me to start huffing and puffing as though I were going to die and it must be admitted that jeans and a thick nonathletic Tshirt weren't exactly the smartest wardrobe choices, but nonetheless we straggled up the steep side of the Butte. 

There was a very defined order to the line of hikers as we ascended. First Zach, leaping forward like a five year old mountain goat, then Hannah, moving forward untheatrically as though she climbed mountains on a daily basis. Then me, a ways behind and pretending I wasn't panting like a madman and finally Lexie, who moved forward with the sensible grace that spoke plainly about the fact that she could go faster if she pleased, but wasn't about to run herself down for a faster ascent. I must say the sheer quantity of climbers surprised me, but the Butte was a beautiful sunny climb and when we reached the top we posed together for group photos. We attempted to escape the high winds by first sitting in a line on the bench, then laying on the ground, then hiding behind a piece of protruding rock, and finally gave up and descended. 

The following weekend started off with a sleepover at my lovely friend Ellen's house. We made pizza with turkey pepperoni, drove to Three Bears three times for ingredients, and by the time we were actually eating pizza it was sevenish and Dan was calling to invite us over for games and a possible bonfire. When we arrived on the scene thirty minutes later Dan was in company of Dani, Zach, and Josh; and the fire in the back yard pit was already quite visible when we pulled up. They had every game from Wits and Wagers to Cards Against Humanity, and we quickly settled around the fire playing. After the previously agreed time limit our friends decided to take the card games inside and as Ellen likes to rub in, I would have stayed later had she not practically taken my hand and dragged me out. After all, we had a date with Zac Efron on 17 Again. 

The rest of the weekend consisted of rock climbing at a local facility with Dani, Josh, Ellen, Jenny, and Hannah. The place was awesome and we all tried our hand at climbing the walls. They also had a tight rope of sorts set up with a very high tech looking pair of ratchet straps. Everyone took a turn hopping up on the line and trying to get as far as possible without the help of the line hanging from above to balance you, which, it was agreed, was for wimps. Upstairs we discovered an even more fun  invention which is the beloved Salmon Ladder. The Salmon Ladder, for the newbs out there, is an invention consisting of a couple of upright posts that have protruding notches of varying height. The athlete attempting to overcome the Salmon Ladder must take a pole held horizontally in front of them starting on the lowest of the rungs and attempt to pull themselves up and then swing the pole onto the next set of rungs. And the next. And the next. Until they either reach the top or fall. 

After our adventures at the rock climbing facility we decided to treat ourselves to some frozen yogurt. What followed was a round of game not necessarily recognizable to the average undiscerning game consumer. We started off on the tennis courts at the park with a volleyball, playing some combination of tennis, volleyball and kickball. When actual real life tennis players arrived on the scene to play tennis on the adjoining court we decided to take our somewhat volatile game of kickvolleyballtennis off the court before we harmed someone who might actually sue us and played frisbee in the rain instead. Despite my absolutely horrendous frisbee skills (Should've hit that frisbee clinic) everyone laughed it off with comments of "Oh, I thought we were playing BAD frisbee!" memorializing a previous bad bowling contest held between the usual suspects. 

Sunday night was taken up by the usual youth group, which was cut short by the not so usual sprint to the movies in time to make the 8:10 showing of Avengers. Much to the chagrin of my comrades I had already seen Avengers Friday night all on my own. To make matters even more comical I had been texted in group by Dan, Zach, and Ellen to watch a later showing with them the same night... The moment I arrived home from watching it by myself. Nonetheless I was more than willing to watch again with my friends on Sunday night ( I had developed more than a bit of a crush on Quicksilver) only to arrive at the theater and find the  8:10 showing sold out. So most of us bit the bullet, bought tickets to a later showing, and walked over to the nearby Walmart for movie snacks where we proceeded to act immature enough to be avoided by other customers, but not quite enough to be kicked out. Of Walmart.

On Monday I got my much anticipated first swim lesson. The Wasilla pool is a little intimidating, first because it's such a small affair and yet so much beloved, popular and crowded constantly. The most striking thing about the Wasilla Pool for me, though, is that it's actually the Wasilla High School Pool. That's right the pool for the entire town is on a high school campus, and they hold open swim hours during school hours. What even. 

Going in for the lesson was REALLY intimidating. They buzz you into the locker room where you take off your shoes at the door. Let me tell you, people in the pool locker room are not afraid to get naked in front of whoever the heck happens to walk in. The layout of the locker room is really open and the only private place to change are the actual bathroom stalls. Signs on the wall dictate that you douse yourself thoroughly in the open shower stalls before entering the pool and then you step out timidly for the first time into the pool area, soaking wet and cold. You wait on the so called deck for your instructor to find you and in my case, I was picked up by a loud lady who shouted across the pool area "MATTHEW!!! We got a student here for ya!" 

Matthew, as it turns out, was just a guy my age (admittedly good looking, in shape, and an excellent swimmer) who had been informed I was taking lessons in order to compete in a triathlon. Big mistake. Why did I admit I was going to train for the local triathlon? It only made me look more stupid when I started swallowing half the pool trying to do a simple breaststroke. All in all though, it can never be as mortifying as you originally imagine. I mean, wouldn't it be more mortifying if I didn't go and learn now? The sooner the better and as I am absolutely thrilled to be learning new skills all the time. Most definitely worth what humiliation I may endure. 

The party continued unexpectedly when I got off on my last day of work at one job and drove straight to my friends Ellen and Jenny's for a last minute movie night (Captain America: WInter Soldier) and sleepover/crash. Wednesday night I attended the Teen Group for a local church I've been attending with some friends, looking to get to know the people and take into consideration becoming a mentor of sorts. The people were cool, the pastor was awesome, and the overall vibe I was getting was actually quite amazing. I may even be sucked into blowing off my job for a week or two and mentoring at camp this year. 

Speaking of camp, I am just dying to go this year. And as much as possible. I mean, there are a lot of things I want to do this summer (ziplining, kayaking/rafting, paintballing, etc) but very very high on my list of things I want to do is camping. Every time I step outside and it's warm, I feel the hot sun, smell the unfrozen, wet earth smell, the trees, the slight breeze, even feel the rain... I'm ready to load up my car and go out into nature. I want to eat s'mores and play games by the fire, gamble for candy, exchange corny jokes, go for walks and hikes and create a thousand stupid inside jokes. I want the car trips in and out with awesome music and hilarious conversation and a mix of amazing and disgusting road snacks. I want swimming and dirty clothes, and meals that have been add-libbed at the last minute that we would never eat at home. I want it all, and I'm ready for it this summer. Great outdoors, here I come.

Airplanes (Rihanna, Eminem, B.o.B.)

The longer I live and learn, the more I seem to realize that much like the saying "Possession is nine tenths of the law," the truly inspirational individuals are simply those that decide to stop saying "Someday.." and instead begin to say "Why not now?" This year I have devoted myself to DOING rather than living on a strict diet of dreaming. I've begun to assemble a material bucket list (that is, a list of things I want to do). This list grows and grows with everything on it from "learn to dance" to "run a triathlon" and "learn to pilot a plane" or "become scuba certified." On my twenty first birthday I plan to take a trip outside the country. These are things I have always wanted to do but somehow I've always put off. It's scary to face up to the fact that you can actually do these things, to cross the bridge from dreaming to making your thoughts a reality.

 Somewhere I've always been impressed by triathletes, but when I realized a local triathlon is held and children and elderly participate every year I thought to myself, "What's keeping me back?" Am I not fit enough to participate in a triathlon? Well, I have a couple months to prepare. Am I a subpar swimmer? I can just join a class at the local pool. It has also occurred to me that some of the barriers keeping me back are the possibilities for humiliation. Isn't it kind of embarrassing to join a swimming class at 20? Then again, everyone has to learn to become truly good at something sometime, and who will be laughing when I turn out to be an excellent swimmer afterwards? Why do people stop taking certain types of classes at a certain age? Our dreams live on inside, and instead of continuing to reach for them some of us seem to just sigh and regret we never did these things when we were younger. Age doesn't cripple, though. I have seen many people well into old age who have continued to reach for the stars and their capabilities are far beyond that of their younger counterparts. What's the difference? The will to go for something.

To ensure I don't start slipping, I've decided to do at least one great thing every month. Since promising myself this I've joined several new gym classes including my personal favorite, Zumba (which I believe in part satisfies the "learn to dance" point). I've signed up to volunteer at the MudFactor, joined two hiking groups, become a solid member of a youth group, acheived an excellent job, begun to save for my future travels and hobbies, and generally begun the transition into becoming a figure somewhat like Jim Carrey's "Yes Man." For anyone who hasn't seen it, this movie is the hilarious epic of a man who has slipped into a sad degraded routine of a life when he gets recruited by a group of slightly deranged individuals who have a new philosophy for him. "Become a YES man!" They advise, their entire belief system is to say "Yes" to everything. That's right, everything. He ends up giving rides to hobos, joining numerous lessons from a posterboard, approving every loan that enters his office, going to that weird office party, attending that low level concert... And his life is flipped from its axis into a brand new weird, wonderful and crazy thing. In the end, of course, he realizes that this philosophy has to be modified - saying yes to EVERYTHING isn't a good thing, but why not say yes MORE?

Another great thing that has happened to me is that I started working for a family that lives a bit differently than any I've worked for before. Most families I work for spend their money as efficiently as possible to afford the most luxurious life they can. People have nice houses and nice cars stocked with the nicest of the their favorite items. This family has a nice car and house, but they don't buy new things just because. The clothes they have are all well loved and used, the toys they own are played with and extras are not kept. Their books are well read and their hobbies aren't solely materialistic. I have come to not only admire this way of living but decided to emulate it in my own way. Why do I need brand new clothes all the time? I'm not growing, and I have plenty. I have several pairs of shoes that aren't worn out. Have I ever worn out a pair of shoes?  Some deep silly part of my soul is thrilled at the idea of completely wearing out a pair of shoes until it would be mediocre to wear them again. 

And why not? There's no need to cast off our old things as soon as we can afford something new. Reducing my carbon footprint is pretty thrilling, but also when I have that much more money in my pocket I can only imagine now the kinds of things I'll be able to do instead. I have been quietly planning a visit to the old stomping grounds but now I've got this ridiculous idea in my head. What if my budget for that trip was something ridiculously low, demanding that I find more interesting ways to spend my money than paying some company to entertain me? What if I worked, and volunteered my time, hiked, and swam, and crashed on the couches of relatives and wore the same old clothes and spent my money mostly on the gas it takes to go see great things or learn something new? What a truly romanticized, hipster idea. I'm just young and foolish enough to LOVE it. 

I'm becoming the stereotypical 20 year old I suppose, but there is nothing so wrong with that. I've been dancing and hiking and working out and reading and dreaming and working hard but now I'm making plans too. And I'm ready to rock this world. Who's with me? 

I Want You To (Weezer)

It's amazing how someone can bring you down more than a few notches just by thinking of them and equivalently there are others that can lift you up just as much with so little effort. Just thinking of an uplifting person makes you want to burst out laughing, do a cartwheel, sing (basically act like a five year old). I am among the number who believe that these individuals are not put into our life coincidentally - indeed they make life worth living most of the time. Even now I can conjure memories of hilarious car rides and day trips to Great America with my best friend when I rode a roller coaster next to a Zac Efron look-alike, sauntering through a coastal town with friends belting Twist and Shout, a new years dance where my childhood bestie asked me for the first dance: memories that would never have been the same without the people I was with. Today I take a moment to be truly grateful for some of the amazing people I have been friends with, and events I have had the pleasure of experiencing. 

Recently I've had the pleasure of meeting a group of people that make me feel pleased to be myself. They reminded me that when you meet the people that really clique with you and make you a better you, you know immediately. Only when I met them did I realize I've been trying way too hard, and that the people I was interacting with didn't uplift me. Everyone has to have the strength to recognize the time to nurture a healthy relationship, and when to separate yourself from something that is poisoning more than helping the participants. Life, love and relationships, even conversations are so thrillingly organic, they never fail to impress me. Words give you the power to get along with just about anyone, but the way you use your words makes all the difference. 

Some people use words and relationships as weapons against others, a means solely to get what they want. They selfishly exploit an originally selfless and beautiful creation, but the most disappointing thing about seeing people of this type is that they have no idea what they're missing out on by only allowing themselves a disposable, plastic pretension. They're not fostering a healthy relationship that would ultimately improve their own lives. It's a gamble to put yourself out on the line for people, and it can be hard when others aren't used to someone being up front and genuine with them, but I have always found the rewards of doing so greatly outweigh the pitfalls that you occasionally experience as a result. I guess I must agree sociologically with the belief that most people are inherently good, and want to foster good. As for those of us who can't bring themselves to put yourself out there and be genuine, you're hurting yourself more than anyone else, and my heart aches for you.

The best time to make friends is when you're comfortable being yourself already. That way you aren't seeking validation from your relationship. The very best friends are the ones who are there for you when you're going through things that aren't very fun. Are they kind and supportive, or are they pessimistic and unhelpful? It's hard to let people go, but when they begin to discourage your personality and express unpleasant opinions about you and those you hold dear, it's usually a pretty good sign that the person isn't a healthy connection anymore. I've had friends that I had difficulty maintaining a relationship with because they discouraged the outgoing bits of my personality. At first I listened, but the lifestyle I led in fear of doing something wrong, getting into trouble, or even of simply wasting my time was worthless time for me. Doing things wrong and getting into trouble are valuable learning experiences that help us all learn who we are and where we stand. Never avoid doing something because you're afraid it would be a waste of time when the alternative is doing nothing... In my experience, trying something new is almost never a waste of time.

Friendship is such a beautiful thing in nature that I'm not altogether surprised that there are so many ways they go wrong sometimes. There are just so many things that can go so RIGHT with a loving friendship that the risk factor is more than compensated for. When you see two individuals in a healthy relationship, whether platonic or romantic, you can immediately tell. You know by the way they smile,  the way they move, speak, act, the things they say, the look in their eyes. A healthy friendship is such a blessing. When you have a good friend you can't wait to tell them everything, because you know they'll support you in your newest venture, remark honestly on your thoughts, feel comfortable with silence, but mostly you know they'll have an overall positive effect on you when you interact. When you've been in contact with a real friend, you'll feel better for it, blessed, and even excited about when you'll see them next. 

Friendship is also the door to the heart. When I see a couple that weren't good friends beforehand I feel curious as to how they've managed it. Dating, to me, is a stage of courtship that eventually leads to marriage, but how can you progress to dating someone when you didn't know them as a friend first? I suppose personally I hope someday for the kind of marriage in which I am the best of friends with my husband and can laugh and joke with them. I'm not really interested in spending the rest of my life with a person who can charm their way through dinner and a movie but aren't much good with real life problems and situations. In fact I've found that the moments I find men most endearing and attractive are when I witness them handle a difficult or awkward life situation with grace and humor. Life is pretty full of hilarious, awkward and difficult situations, so the moments that truly matter are not when they handle a good moment, but how they handle a trying one. Honestly, when I see someone smile their way through and remain kind to others, I feel a deep sense of appreciation for them. It makes me want to grin, and give them a hug. 

Honesty is another thing that's important to me. And general openness. When there a couple are so secretive that they're not even sure what to say around others anymore it's uncomfortable to spend time with them, and uncomfortable for them too. I love to feel as though I can be completely open and say what's on my mind. If I like someone, why not say it out loud, to them and anyone else? When friendship turns into love, honesty is often a side effect that just kind of comes with the territory. There is something so satisfying about starting a relationship with someone that's your best friend. They know you, they support you, and receiving love from such a pure source (love from someone who knows your flaws along with your strong points) is freeing. It makes love that much stronger. 

I am so much in support of dating exclusively your best friends, that I almost don't even understand the "friend zone" idea. Friend zone? What does it accomplish if you refuse to date someone you're good friends with? There's nothing to lose. When something is right, you know it is deep down. Stop resisting, and stop overthinking, you silly, silly people! Love happens, and you are not in charge of how, when, and with whom it happens. When love comes knocking through friendship or dating, don't turn it down, because you never know what you'll miss if you aren't willing to take a chance.

Home (Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes)

The past couple of weeks have been full of great times and a packed full schedule for me. Last weekend I underwent two separate interviews for job offers that I had gotten out of the blue. The first was only for an occasional date night sitter for a nearby family with three boys, but the second was closer to Anchorage and seems to have been exactly what I've been hoping for.
I hit it off with the family right away. They have three boys, Zebbie, Psalm, and Justice. They love music and art and playing outside, they have healthier eating habits that mirror my own a lot more than most people I meet or have sat for. Healthy eating habits have become more important to me since I sat for a family that insisted I let their children eat whatever they wanted. They had a boy who drank exclusively apple juice, and a girl who only drank cranberry, and that was all they would drink all day. They never drank any other kind of juice and worse, they never drank water!! It drove me completely off my rocker and since then I have always greatly appreciated a family who maintains healthy eating habits for their kids.
The new family I met are friendly and christian, and they are completely open to a nanny trying new things with their kids, as long as they're interacting together. They don't want their kids to sit around and watch TV all day, but they don't expect rocket science - they just want their kids to be kept busy doing constructive activities, which I can appreciate. I also underwent a sort of drivers' test. I was told that their previous nanny had been quite the crazy driver. Luckily I have been on enough nanny interviews to know when a parent wants to check in on something like that even if they hadn't explicitly told you. Also luckily I happen to be a pretty good driver.
Although this new job is pretty much an answer to prayer, it was really difficult to put in my two week notice at my old job taking care of an adorable six month old named MacKenzie. The family had been very good to me, always putting in the effort to make me feel comfortable and considering that the baby takes three naps a day and is overall happy the job would be perfect if I were already attending school. The main reason I even interviewed with the other family is that I needed the extra money to return to school, and when I explained this to my employer, Carrie, she was really very kind about it. Everything really seemed to smooth out when Carrie was happy to meet my sister Lexie to take on the job.
On Thursday my sister accompanied me to work and hogged the baby. Things went as well as expected considering Lexie is pretty much the baby wizard and she seemingly swept up the job before I could blink. It was a huge relief that Lexie was able to take it over since she had been looking for a job anyway and I've really come to love Carrie's family.
Following work on Monday I swung by one of my favorite thrift stores in Palmer, Bishop's Attic. When I had passed over a couple of snowboards that I knew would be useless in this wonderful new warm and sunny weather we've been getting in Alaska, I made my way to the back room where all the sports equipment is kept. It's always a gamble what you're going to find there. There are always an abundance of skis there, enough to fill two giant drums. There are shelves full of snowboard boots, the occasional pair of ski (shoes?), the ever present trio of skates that look like they've been used by hockey players and  the rest is always questionable. They get shoulder pads and gloves, cleats, and a whole assortment of random sports equipment from time to time.
This particular day the items I discovered in the sports section of Bishop's Attic fell decidedly into the last category of randomness. They were climbing harnesses and for some reason the moment I set eyes on them I knew I was going to have to try them on. I examined the first, keeping an eye on the other shoppers in the aisle and waiting for them to leave. The second I pulled the first off the shelf I knew it was too big, and sure enough when I checked the tag it was an XL, but the second was a medium and I fidgeted with it until every last person had left the aisle I was in. Then I made my move, stepping into the questionably large enough harness and thanking God I had worn my thinnest, tightest blue jeans that day. I had just managed to wiggle into the harness and was admiring my handywork and wondering if it was too tight or just kind of snug when I glanced up and noticed a tall redheaded man watching me with thinly disguised amusement.
I was horrified. Here I was standing in the middle of Bishop's with a decidedly tight harness wrapped around my thighs and butt and someone had noticed. There was no hiding the harness, or even getting it off in a discreet manner, besides I suspected he had been watching this go on for far to long for me to make a dignified exit. He examined a shelf of random donated items with a smirk to his features while I struggled out of the accursed harness with the alacrity that had thus far avoided me. I was halfway through escaping the thing when he met my gaze finally and commented, "Seems a little risky." "Yeah, that's true," I replied, removing the harness, shoving it back onto the shelf and exiting the aisle in the time it took me to utter the words. At that point I was so embarrassed that I had not only been caught trying on the harness but that someone had actually bothered to point out to me the stupidity of buying a climbing harness from a thrift store that I didn't even try to settle down and browse the store... I left immediately. Looking back now it cracks me up how utterly I was thrown by this occurrence. Why did I care?
The day before St. Patrick's day I headed over to Younique Boutique to kill some time before I had to go to the gym. When I got to the Meta Rose center, though, Younique Boutique was closed so instead of just leaving I decided to head upstairs to that gaming store. I had never been there before but when I entered it had some cool fandom based merchandise, and then a lot of other items that were pretty nerdy and a lot of secondhand. But the very first thing that struck me was the quantity of teenage boys flooding the place.

They were sitting at long white plastic foldout tables playing cards, which I might have not only condoned but loved to have joined in until I realized they were playing Pokemon.... Pokemon?? In my apparently none too valuable opinion, Pokemon should be a fad that lasts between the ages of nine and at the very latest fourteen... True, I never got more into Pokemon than owning like two cards given to me by some friends when I was younger, but I honestly feel like there are just better games out there!
 As a person who loves card games and has been known to break out a game of Fluxx, play a few thousand rounds of Loot, or alternate endlessly between games played with a standard deck of playing cards (nuts, speed, BS, blackjack, I pretty much never turn down a game of cards), I am offended by the idea that there are individuals out there who remain obsessed with a childish game based on an anime series created for children which you play by pitting made up monsters with varying made up skill and points levels against one another...

Probably the biggest disappointment of visiting the game store, though, was that they didn't have any Nintendo 64 game systems. I don't know about anyone else, but other than the obvious hipster points gained simply by owning a Nintendo 64, there are actually a couple of games I prefer playing on said game system. And by "a few" I here mean Donkey Kong. As a kid there were a few relatives of mine that owned both a Nintendo 64 and the accompanying Donkey Kong game and I grew so attached to playing it, that when the Wii came out, following by Wii versions of Mario and Donkey Kong I was actually kind of disappointed.

I wasn't much of a gamer to begin with, but when I tried the Wii I was positively terrible. When Just Dance 3 came out in the beginning of the peak of the Just Dance craze I bought a copy for my family for Christmas and we immediately fell in love with it, redeeming in my eyes the Wii. Despite my love of the game, I still to this day can never get a good score on Wii Just Dance. I love the Wii for Netflix, but I'll admit I've always favored an Xbox 360 despite my lack of gamer roots. It's just cool!

A couple of new apps I downloaded this week are actually very cool. I got the Red Jumpsuit App, which enables you to listen to an entire album of their music. I have to admit that prior to the app I actually had only heard one song by them, which was Face Down, but I figured I would give it a try. I was really impressed by their music. I'm not usually one to fall in love with an entire album so much as individual songs (there are exceptions to the rule), but I was pleasantly surprised to fall in love with each song on the album as it played. They were good songs, and prior to listening to the album I hadn't realized the Christian roots that Red Jumpsuit Apparatus has. I would really suggest downloading the app to anyone.

Another cool one I discovered was SeatGeek. It shows you events and bands that are going to be in your area, which is cool for someone like me who is always looking for a new thing to try, and a new way to fill the time rather than just sitting around. There were't too many events for Anchorage but there were tons for Sacramento, which will be extremely helpful in the planning of my summer trip to California. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do there yet, but there is a long list of ideas and I'm determined to start knocking off items from my bucket list (which I have begun to make up in physical form).

A few things that I have my heart set on that if I don't get to do this summer I have a feeling I will be accomplishing within the next few years are a trip to Yosemite, a good road trip with Portland, SanFran, San Diego, Arizona and the four corners on the list (this is only the beginning, I feel). I want to go to another country for my birthday although I haven't yet pinned down my favorite idea between backpacking Australia, a trip to Spain, a cruise (Mediterranean?), or whatever opportunity presents itself at the time.

This June I plan on knocking out the Color Run, volunteering at the MudFactor, (hitting up pretty much any 5k that comes my way), seeing the Warped Tour, completing a triathlon, and seeing Fall Out Boy, Watsky, We the Kings, Newfound Glory, and just basically taking every opportunity by the horns as it comes. I can't wait..

Some Nights (fun.)

"You did a bad thing. Deal with it." - Jess

It's funny how sometimes the simplest statements can seem so profound. I try to live my life in what I view as a good and moral way, but I think everyone gets to a stage of life where they experience terrible things they never thought they'd be going through. It's like you have this mentality as a child growing up that if you do everything that you're supposed to then nothing bad will happen to you. But perhaps having a complete and utter lack of your sense of adventure in itself is an immoral action. After all, this world was created a beautiful, wondrous thing. There are so many mysteries to be hatched, situations to be taken advantage of, and times to be run with. You really have to be willing to run with life sometimes. I didn't think in high school that I'd end up living in Alaska with my family and switching up majors less than a year in (I certainly didn't foresee the dental hygiene major that I started out with). I didn't expect heartbreak to lend me a new and more experienced perspective on the world that allows me to appreciate a broader range of emotions toward just about anything and everything. Honestly I feel like the Grinch standing on top of the mountain getting ready to experience further damage to my heart and instead experiencing an immediate rush of love and understanding. It's beautiful that we humans have songs not only about love and happiness, but also about sadness and heartbreak. We relate to one another, and we express an empathy toward the stricken individuals that most other times in life we keep in check. We honor the strength it takes to pick yourself back up after you've made one mistake or another. There are many forgivable crimes you can commit against other people, but the strangest and most unpredictable are on an emotional level. At some point we all have to be the bad guy and realize that a lot of people aren't inherently bad, they just have to make a few mistakes before they fully understand the world and what their role in it demands of them. That doesn't mean you have a free pass to go out and intentionally destroy stable life for others - it only means that when you accidentally find yourself in a predicament where you've turned out to be the bad guy you shouldn't be afraid to come forward and admit what you did to yourself and others. You should be able to recognize that getting caught up in a lie or a bad situation doesn't make you a bad person by association. It only means that you made a mistake, and it's how you react once you realize the gravity of your actions that really defines the sort of person you are. In most cases overcoming obstacles serves to make you a stronger person with a bigger understanding of the world. It gives you the power to empathize and help others along the right path who have followed a road similar to your own. When a problem first presents itself to you it can seem like a black hole in your life, sucking in everything good and leaving in its wake bad situations and an abyss of despair, but the more you try to cover it or move on without facing it and accepting responsibility, the more you will find yourself stilted in success and happiness. When you've managed to handle a bad situation with the utmost grace, when you've served up your soul in its truest form and faced up to the consequences of your actions the feeling of peace and prosperity is one of the most wonderful feelings in the world. I have to wonder also, when Centuries by Fall Out Boy talks about the obscurity most humans face unless they commit some terrible crime, at the awful truth of it. It's true that some of the most well known figures memorialized within our societies are the appalling perpetrators of the most horrific crimes. We pass down the names and judgements in hopes that future generations will not repeat the mistake of trusting similarly inclined individuals but what now are we to do when our future generations understand that one of the easiest ways to be remembered is to become heinous and notorious for something. I guess it all comes down to good parenting, good morals, and having enough people in a society that are willing to commit their time to helping someone for the sake of human sympathy, and not to gain something themselves. What more fulfilling thing can you experience than the knowledge that your time has been well spent, the world is better for having you, and you will be memorialized in the form of other people stepping forward to do exactly what you have done for others. In other words I've been letting my slightly philosophical views on plagiarism lead the way as I ponder paying it forward, and taking the good, taking the bad, taking them both and learning about the facts of life. To further my cliche I'd like to close by saying that you can be anything if you want it badly enough. You can travel, make money, influence people, make real friends, make a difference in society, learn how to do just about anything you please... Anything you want is within your grasp. I always think of Where the Red Fern Grows when the grandfather told the boy, "If you want anything bad enough you'll get it. You just have to meet God halfway." Again I have always been struck by the profound meaning in his simple words. People grow up here being told that they can have whatever they want, be anything they want to be. It's become fostered into our social structure that if you want anything badly enough it'll just come to you. But that certainly isn't true... You have to work, prioritize, and put everything you have into something to get it sometimes. Sometimes things fall right into your lap, and you can count yourself blessed for that - but most of the time nothing can get you from point A to point B except a keen sense of determination and perseverance. If you want something bad enough and you're willing to put in the work, you'll get it. It takes a resilient person to use the roadblocks as springboards, and it takes an impressive person indeed to view the overcoming of these roadblocks as a fantastic journey that provided you with a deeper sense of understanding, emotion, and a great story to tell at the end of the rainbow.