I Want You To (Weezer)

It's amazing how someone can bring you down more than a few notches just by thinking of them and equivalently there are others that can lift you up just as much with so little effort. Just thinking of an uplifting person makes you want to burst out laughing, do a cartwheel, sing (basically act like a five year old). I am among the number who believe that these individuals are not put into our life coincidentally - indeed they make life worth living most of the time. Even now I can conjure memories of hilarious car rides and day trips to Great America with my best friend when I rode a roller coaster next to a Zac Efron look-alike, sauntering through a coastal town with friends belting Twist and Shout, a new years dance where my childhood bestie asked me for the first dance: memories that would never have been the same without the people I was with. Today I take a moment to be truly grateful for some of the amazing people I have been friends with, and events I have had the pleasure of experiencing. 

Recently I've had the pleasure of meeting a group of people that make me feel pleased to be myself. They reminded me that when you meet the people that really clique with you and make you a better you, you know immediately. Only when I met them did I realize I've been trying way too hard, and that the people I was interacting with didn't uplift me. Everyone has to have the strength to recognize the time to nurture a healthy relationship, and when to separate yourself from something that is poisoning more than helping the participants. Life, love and relationships, even conversations are so thrillingly organic, they never fail to impress me. Words give you the power to get along with just about anyone, but the way you use your words makes all the difference. 

Some people use words and relationships as weapons against others, a means solely to get what they want. They selfishly exploit an originally selfless and beautiful creation, but the most disappointing thing about seeing people of this type is that they have no idea what they're missing out on by only allowing themselves a disposable, plastic pretension. They're not fostering a healthy relationship that would ultimately improve their own lives. It's a gamble to put yourself out on the line for people, and it can be hard when others aren't used to someone being up front and genuine with them, but I have always found the rewards of doing so greatly outweigh the pitfalls that you occasionally experience as a result. I guess I must agree sociologically with the belief that most people are inherently good, and want to foster good. As for those of us who can't bring themselves to put yourself out there and be genuine, you're hurting yourself more than anyone else, and my heart aches for you.

The best time to make friends is when you're comfortable being yourself already. That way you aren't seeking validation from your relationship. The very best friends are the ones who are there for you when you're going through things that aren't very fun. Are they kind and supportive, or are they pessimistic and unhelpful? It's hard to let people go, but when they begin to discourage your personality and express unpleasant opinions about you and those you hold dear, it's usually a pretty good sign that the person isn't a healthy connection anymore. I've had friends that I had difficulty maintaining a relationship with because they discouraged the outgoing bits of my personality. At first I listened, but the lifestyle I led in fear of doing something wrong, getting into trouble, or even of simply wasting my time was worthless time for me. Doing things wrong and getting into trouble are valuable learning experiences that help us all learn who we are and where we stand. Never avoid doing something because you're afraid it would be a waste of time when the alternative is doing nothing... In my experience, trying something new is almost never a waste of time.

Friendship is such a beautiful thing in nature that I'm not altogether surprised that there are so many ways they go wrong sometimes. There are just so many things that can go so RIGHT with a loving friendship that the risk factor is more than compensated for. When you see two individuals in a healthy relationship, whether platonic or romantic, you can immediately tell. You know by the way they smile,  the way they move, speak, act, the things they say, the look in their eyes. A healthy friendship is such a blessing. When you have a good friend you can't wait to tell them everything, because you know they'll support you in your newest venture, remark honestly on your thoughts, feel comfortable with silence, but mostly you know they'll have an overall positive effect on you when you interact. When you've been in contact with a real friend, you'll feel better for it, blessed, and even excited about when you'll see them next. 

Friendship is also the door to the heart. When I see a couple that weren't good friends beforehand I feel curious as to how they've managed it. Dating, to me, is a stage of courtship that eventually leads to marriage, but how can you progress to dating someone when you didn't know them as a friend first? I suppose personally I hope someday for the kind of marriage in which I am the best of friends with my husband and can laugh and joke with them. I'm not really interested in spending the rest of my life with a person who can charm their way through dinner and a movie but aren't much good with real life problems and situations. In fact I've found that the moments I find men most endearing and attractive are when I witness them handle a difficult or awkward life situation with grace and humor. Life is pretty full of hilarious, awkward and difficult situations, so the moments that truly matter are not when they handle a good moment, but how they handle a trying one. Honestly, when I see someone smile their way through and remain kind to others, I feel a deep sense of appreciation for them. It makes me want to grin, and give them a hug. 

Honesty is another thing that's important to me. And general openness. When there a couple are so secretive that they're not even sure what to say around others anymore it's uncomfortable to spend time with them, and uncomfortable for them too. I love to feel as though I can be completely open and say what's on my mind. If I like someone, why not say it out loud, to them and anyone else? When friendship turns into love, honesty is often a side effect that just kind of comes with the territory. There is something so satisfying about starting a relationship with someone that's your best friend. They know you, they support you, and receiving love from such a pure source (love from someone who knows your flaws along with your strong points) is freeing. It makes love that much stronger. 

I am so much in support of dating exclusively your best friends, that I almost don't even understand the "friend zone" idea. Friend zone? What does it accomplish if you refuse to date someone you're good friends with? There's nothing to lose. When something is right, you know it is deep down. Stop resisting, and stop overthinking, you silly, silly people! Love happens, and you are not in charge of how, when, and with whom it happens. When love comes knocking through friendship or dating, don't turn it down, because you never know what you'll miss if you aren't willing to take a chance.