Airplanes (Rihanna, Eminem, B.o.B.)

The longer I live and learn, the more I seem to realize that much like the saying "Possession is nine tenths of the law," the truly inspirational individuals are simply those that decide to stop saying "Someday.." and instead begin to say "Why not now?" This year I have devoted myself to DOING rather than living on a strict diet of dreaming. I've begun to assemble a material bucket list (that is, a list of things I want to do). This list grows and grows with everything on it from "learn to dance" to "run a triathlon" and "learn to pilot a plane" or "become scuba certified." On my twenty first birthday I plan to take a trip outside the country. These are things I have always wanted to do but somehow I've always put off. It's scary to face up to the fact that you can actually do these things, to cross the bridge from dreaming to making your thoughts a reality.

 Somewhere I've always been impressed by triathletes, but when I realized a local triathlon is held and children and elderly participate every year I thought to myself, "What's keeping me back?" Am I not fit enough to participate in a triathlon? Well, I have a couple months to prepare. Am I a subpar swimmer? I can just join a class at the local pool. It has also occurred to me that some of the barriers keeping me back are the possibilities for humiliation. Isn't it kind of embarrassing to join a swimming class at 20? Then again, everyone has to learn to become truly good at something sometime, and who will be laughing when I turn out to be an excellent swimmer afterwards? Why do people stop taking certain types of classes at a certain age? Our dreams live on inside, and instead of continuing to reach for them some of us seem to just sigh and regret we never did these things when we were younger. Age doesn't cripple, though. I have seen many people well into old age who have continued to reach for the stars and their capabilities are far beyond that of their younger counterparts. What's the difference? The will to go for something.

To ensure I don't start slipping, I've decided to do at least one great thing every month. Since promising myself this I've joined several new gym classes including my personal favorite, Zumba (which I believe in part satisfies the "learn to dance" point). I've signed up to volunteer at the MudFactor, joined two hiking groups, become a solid member of a youth group, acheived an excellent job, begun to save for my future travels and hobbies, and generally begun the transition into becoming a figure somewhat like Jim Carrey's "Yes Man." For anyone who hasn't seen it, this movie is the hilarious epic of a man who has slipped into a sad degraded routine of a life when he gets recruited by a group of slightly deranged individuals who have a new philosophy for him. "Become a YES man!" They advise, their entire belief system is to say "Yes" to everything. That's right, everything. He ends up giving rides to hobos, joining numerous lessons from a posterboard, approving every loan that enters his office, going to that weird office party, attending that low level concert... And his life is flipped from its axis into a brand new weird, wonderful and crazy thing. In the end, of course, he realizes that this philosophy has to be modified - saying yes to EVERYTHING isn't a good thing, but why not say yes MORE?

Another great thing that has happened to me is that I started working for a family that lives a bit differently than any I've worked for before. Most families I work for spend their money as efficiently as possible to afford the most luxurious life they can. People have nice houses and nice cars stocked with the nicest of the their favorite items. This family has a nice car and house, but they don't buy new things just because. The clothes they have are all well loved and used, the toys they own are played with and extras are not kept. Their books are well read and their hobbies aren't solely materialistic. I have come to not only admire this way of living but decided to emulate it in my own way. Why do I need brand new clothes all the time? I'm not growing, and I have plenty. I have several pairs of shoes that aren't worn out. Have I ever worn out a pair of shoes?  Some deep silly part of my soul is thrilled at the idea of completely wearing out a pair of shoes until it would be mediocre to wear them again. 

And why not? There's no need to cast off our old things as soon as we can afford something new. Reducing my carbon footprint is pretty thrilling, but also when I have that much more money in my pocket I can only imagine now the kinds of things I'll be able to do instead. I have been quietly planning a visit to the old stomping grounds but now I've got this ridiculous idea in my head. What if my budget for that trip was something ridiculously low, demanding that I find more interesting ways to spend my money than paying some company to entertain me? What if I worked, and volunteered my time, hiked, and swam, and crashed on the couches of relatives and wore the same old clothes and spent my money mostly on the gas it takes to go see great things or learn something new? What a truly romanticized, hipster idea. I'm just young and foolish enough to LOVE it. 

I'm becoming the stereotypical 20 year old I suppose, but there is nothing so wrong with that. I've been dancing and hiking and working out and reading and dreaming and working hard but now I'm making plans too. And I'm ready to rock this world. Who's with me? 

I Want You To (Weezer)

It's amazing how someone can bring you down more than a few notches just by thinking of them and equivalently there are others that can lift you up just as much with so little effort. Just thinking of an uplifting person makes you want to burst out laughing, do a cartwheel, sing (basically act like a five year old). I am among the number who believe that these individuals are not put into our life coincidentally - indeed they make life worth living most of the time. Even now I can conjure memories of hilarious car rides and day trips to Great America with my best friend when I rode a roller coaster next to a Zac Efron look-alike, sauntering through a coastal town with friends belting Twist and Shout, a new years dance where my childhood bestie asked me for the first dance: memories that would never have been the same without the people I was with. Today I take a moment to be truly grateful for some of the amazing people I have been friends with, and events I have had the pleasure of experiencing. 

Recently I've had the pleasure of meeting a group of people that make me feel pleased to be myself. They reminded me that when you meet the people that really clique with you and make you a better you, you know immediately. Only when I met them did I realize I've been trying way too hard, and that the people I was interacting with didn't uplift me. Everyone has to have the strength to recognize the time to nurture a healthy relationship, and when to separate yourself from something that is poisoning more than helping the participants. Life, love and relationships, even conversations are so thrillingly organic, they never fail to impress me. Words give you the power to get along with just about anyone, but the way you use your words makes all the difference. 

Some people use words and relationships as weapons against others, a means solely to get what they want. They selfishly exploit an originally selfless and beautiful creation, but the most disappointing thing about seeing people of this type is that they have no idea what they're missing out on by only allowing themselves a disposable, plastic pretension. They're not fostering a healthy relationship that would ultimately improve their own lives. It's a gamble to put yourself out on the line for people, and it can be hard when others aren't used to someone being up front and genuine with them, but I have always found the rewards of doing so greatly outweigh the pitfalls that you occasionally experience as a result. I guess I must agree sociologically with the belief that most people are inherently good, and want to foster good. As for those of us who can't bring themselves to put yourself out there and be genuine, you're hurting yourself more than anyone else, and my heart aches for you.

The best time to make friends is when you're comfortable being yourself already. That way you aren't seeking validation from your relationship. The very best friends are the ones who are there for you when you're going through things that aren't very fun. Are they kind and supportive, or are they pessimistic and unhelpful? It's hard to let people go, but when they begin to discourage your personality and express unpleasant opinions about you and those you hold dear, it's usually a pretty good sign that the person isn't a healthy connection anymore. I've had friends that I had difficulty maintaining a relationship with because they discouraged the outgoing bits of my personality. At first I listened, but the lifestyle I led in fear of doing something wrong, getting into trouble, or even of simply wasting my time was worthless time for me. Doing things wrong and getting into trouble are valuable learning experiences that help us all learn who we are and where we stand. Never avoid doing something because you're afraid it would be a waste of time when the alternative is doing nothing... In my experience, trying something new is almost never a waste of time.

Friendship is such a beautiful thing in nature that I'm not altogether surprised that there are so many ways they go wrong sometimes. There are just so many things that can go so RIGHT with a loving friendship that the risk factor is more than compensated for. When you see two individuals in a healthy relationship, whether platonic or romantic, you can immediately tell. You know by the way they smile,  the way they move, speak, act, the things they say, the look in their eyes. A healthy friendship is such a blessing. When you have a good friend you can't wait to tell them everything, because you know they'll support you in your newest venture, remark honestly on your thoughts, feel comfortable with silence, but mostly you know they'll have an overall positive effect on you when you interact. When you've been in contact with a real friend, you'll feel better for it, blessed, and even excited about when you'll see them next. 

Friendship is also the door to the heart. When I see a couple that weren't good friends beforehand I feel curious as to how they've managed it. Dating, to me, is a stage of courtship that eventually leads to marriage, but how can you progress to dating someone when you didn't know them as a friend first? I suppose personally I hope someday for the kind of marriage in which I am the best of friends with my husband and can laugh and joke with them. I'm not really interested in spending the rest of my life with a person who can charm their way through dinner and a movie but aren't much good with real life problems and situations. In fact I've found that the moments I find men most endearing and attractive are when I witness them handle a difficult or awkward life situation with grace and humor. Life is pretty full of hilarious, awkward and difficult situations, so the moments that truly matter are not when they handle a good moment, but how they handle a trying one. Honestly, when I see someone smile their way through and remain kind to others, I feel a deep sense of appreciation for them. It makes me want to grin, and give them a hug. 

Honesty is another thing that's important to me. And general openness. When there a couple are so secretive that they're not even sure what to say around others anymore it's uncomfortable to spend time with them, and uncomfortable for them too. I love to feel as though I can be completely open and say what's on my mind. If I like someone, why not say it out loud, to them and anyone else? When friendship turns into love, honesty is often a side effect that just kind of comes with the territory. There is something so satisfying about starting a relationship with someone that's your best friend. They know you, they support you, and receiving love from such a pure source (love from someone who knows your flaws along with your strong points) is freeing. It makes love that much stronger. 

I am so much in support of dating exclusively your best friends, that I almost don't even understand the "friend zone" idea. Friend zone? What does it accomplish if you refuse to date someone you're good friends with? There's nothing to lose. When something is right, you know it is deep down. Stop resisting, and stop overthinking, you silly, silly people! Love happens, and you are not in charge of how, when, and with whom it happens. When love comes knocking through friendship or dating, don't turn it down, because you never know what you'll miss if you aren't willing to take a chance.

Home (Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes)

The past couple of weeks have been full of great times and a packed full schedule for me. Last weekend I underwent two separate interviews for job offers that I had gotten out of the blue. The first was only for an occasional date night sitter for a nearby family with three boys, but the second was closer to Anchorage and seems to have been exactly what I've been hoping for.
I hit it off with the family right away. They have three boys, Zebbie, Psalm, and Justice. They love music and art and playing outside, they have healthier eating habits that mirror my own a lot more than most people I meet or have sat for. Healthy eating habits have become more important to me since I sat for a family that insisted I let their children eat whatever they wanted. They had a boy who drank exclusively apple juice, and a girl who only drank cranberry, and that was all they would drink all day. They never drank any other kind of juice and worse, they never drank water!! It drove me completely off my rocker and since then I have always greatly appreciated a family who maintains healthy eating habits for their kids.
The new family I met are friendly and christian, and they are completely open to a nanny trying new things with their kids, as long as they're interacting together. They don't want their kids to sit around and watch TV all day, but they don't expect rocket science - they just want their kids to be kept busy doing constructive activities, which I can appreciate. I also underwent a sort of drivers' test. I was told that their previous nanny had been quite the crazy driver. Luckily I have been on enough nanny interviews to know when a parent wants to check in on something like that even if they hadn't explicitly told you. Also luckily I happen to be a pretty good driver.
Although this new job is pretty much an answer to prayer, it was really difficult to put in my two week notice at my old job taking care of an adorable six month old named MacKenzie. The family had been very good to me, always putting in the effort to make me feel comfortable and considering that the baby takes three naps a day and is overall happy the job would be perfect if I were already attending school. The main reason I even interviewed with the other family is that I needed the extra money to return to school, and when I explained this to my employer, Carrie, she was really very kind about it. Everything really seemed to smooth out when Carrie was happy to meet my sister Lexie to take on the job.
On Thursday my sister accompanied me to work and hogged the baby. Things went as well as expected considering Lexie is pretty much the baby wizard and she seemingly swept up the job before I could blink. It was a huge relief that Lexie was able to take it over since she had been looking for a job anyway and I've really come to love Carrie's family.
Following work on Monday I swung by one of my favorite thrift stores in Palmer, Bishop's Attic. When I had passed over a couple of snowboards that I knew would be useless in this wonderful new warm and sunny weather we've been getting in Alaska, I made my way to the back room where all the sports equipment is kept. It's always a gamble what you're going to find there. There are always an abundance of skis there, enough to fill two giant drums. There are shelves full of snowboard boots, the occasional pair of ski (shoes?), the ever present trio of skates that look like they've been used by hockey players and  the rest is always questionable. They get shoulder pads and gloves, cleats, and a whole assortment of random sports equipment from time to time.
This particular day the items I discovered in the sports section of Bishop's Attic fell decidedly into the last category of randomness. They were climbing harnesses and for some reason the moment I set eyes on them I knew I was going to have to try them on. I examined the first, keeping an eye on the other shoppers in the aisle and waiting for them to leave. The second I pulled the first off the shelf I knew it was too big, and sure enough when I checked the tag it was an XL, but the second was a medium and I fidgeted with it until every last person had left the aisle I was in. Then I made my move, stepping into the questionably large enough harness and thanking God I had worn my thinnest, tightest blue jeans that day. I had just managed to wiggle into the harness and was admiring my handywork and wondering if it was too tight or just kind of snug when I glanced up and noticed a tall redheaded man watching me with thinly disguised amusement.
I was horrified. Here I was standing in the middle of Bishop's with a decidedly tight harness wrapped around my thighs and butt and someone had noticed. There was no hiding the harness, or even getting it off in a discreet manner, besides I suspected he had been watching this go on for far to long for me to make a dignified exit. He examined a shelf of random donated items with a smirk to his features while I struggled out of the accursed harness with the alacrity that had thus far avoided me. I was halfway through escaping the thing when he met my gaze finally and commented, "Seems a little risky." "Yeah, that's true," I replied, removing the harness, shoving it back onto the shelf and exiting the aisle in the time it took me to utter the words. At that point I was so embarrassed that I had not only been caught trying on the harness but that someone had actually bothered to point out to me the stupidity of buying a climbing harness from a thrift store that I didn't even try to settle down and browse the store... I left immediately. Looking back now it cracks me up how utterly I was thrown by this occurrence. Why did I care?
The day before St. Patrick's day I headed over to Younique Boutique to kill some time before I had to go to the gym. When I got to the Meta Rose center, though, Younique Boutique was closed so instead of just leaving I decided to head upstairs to that gaming store. I had never been there before but when I entered it had some cool fandom based merchandise, and then a lot of other items that were pretty nerdy and a lot of secondhand. But the very first thing that struck me was the quantity of teenage boys flooding the place.

They were sitting at long white plastic foldout tables playing cards, which I might have not only condoned but loved to have joined in until I realized they were playing Pokemon.... Pokemon?? In my apparently none too valuable opinion, Pokemon should be a fad that lasts between the ages of nine and at the very latest fourteen... True, I never got more into Pokemon than owning like two cards given to me by some friends when I was younger, but I honestly feel like there are just better games out there!
 As a person who loves card games and has been known to break out a game of Fluxx, play a few thousand rounds of Loot, or alternate endlessly between games played with a standard deck of playing cards (nuts, speed, BS, blackjack, I pretty much never turn down a game of cards), I am offended by the idea that there are individuals out there who remain obsessed with a childish game based on an anime series created for children which you play by pitting made up monsters with varying made up skill and points levels against one another...

Probably the biggest disappointment of visiting the game store, though, was that they didn't have any Nintendo 64 game systems. I don't know about anyone else, but other than the obvious hipster points gained simply by owning a Nintendo 64, there are actually a couple of games I prefer playing on said game system. And by "a few" I here mean Donkey Kong. As a kid there were a few relatives of mine that owned both a Nintendo 64 and the accompanying Donkey Kong game and I grew so attached to playing it, that when the Wii came out, following by Wii versions of Mario and Donkey Kong I was actually kind of disappointed.

I wasn't much of a gamer to begin with, but when I tried the Wii I was positively terrible. When Just Dance 3 came out in the beginning of the peak of the Just Dance craze I bought a copy for my family for Christmas and we immediately fell in love with it, redeeming in my eyes the Wii. Despite my love of the game, I still to this day can never get a good score on Wii Just Dance. I love the Wii for Netflix, but I'll admit I've always favored an Xbox 360 despite my lack of gamer roots. It's just cool!

A couple of new apps I downloaded this week are actually very cool. I got the Red Jumpsuit App, which enables you to listen to an entire album of their music. I have to admit that prior to the app I actually had only heard one song by them, which was Face Down, but I figured I would give it a try. I was really impressed by their music. I'm not usually one to fall in love with an entire album so much as individual songs (there are exceptions to the rule), but I was pleasantly surprised to fall in love with each song on the album as it played. They were good songs, and prior to listening to the album I hadn't realized the Christian roots that Red Jumpsuit Apparatus has. I would really suggest downloading the app to anyone.

Another cool one I discovered was SeatGeek. It shows you events and bands that are going to be in your area, which is cool for someone like me who is always looking for a new thing to try, and a new way to fill the time rather than just sitting around. There were't too many events for Anchorage but there were tons for Sacramento, which will be extremely helpful in the planning of my summer trip to California. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do there yet, but there is a long list of ideas and I'm determined to start knocking off items from my bucket list (which I have begun to make up in physical form).

A few things that I have my heart set on that if I don't get to do this summer I have a feeling I will be accomplishing within the next few years are a trip to Yosemite, a good road trip with Portland, SanFran, San Diego, Arizona and the four corners on the list (this is only the beginning, I feel). I want to go to another country for my birthday although I haven't yet pinned down my favorite idea between backpacking Australia, a trip to Spain, a cruise (Mediterranean?), or whatever opportunity presents itself at the time.

This June I plan on knocking out the Color Run, volunteering at the MudFactor, (hitting up pretty much any 5k that comes my way), seeing the Warped Tour, completing a triathlon, and seeing Fall Out Boy, Watsky, We the Kings, Newfound Glory, and just basically taking every opportunity by the horns as it comes. I can't wait..

Some Nights (fun.)

"You did a bad thing. Deal with it." - Jess

It's funny how sometimes the simplest statements can seem so profound. I try to live my life in what I view as a good and moral way, but I think everyone gets to a stage of life where they experience terrible things they never thought they'd be going through. It's like you have this mentality as a child growing up that if you do everything that you're supposed to then nothing bad will happen to you. But perhaps having a complete and utter lack of your sense of adventure in itself is an immoral action. After all, this world was created a beautiful, wondrous thing. There are so many mysteries to be hatched, situations to be taken advantage of, and times to be run with. You really have to be willing to run with life sometimes. I didn't think in high school that I'd end up living in Alaska with my family and switching up majors less than a year in (I certainly didn't foresee the dental hygiene major that I started out with). I didn't expect heartbreak to lend me a new and more experienced perspective on the world that allows me to appreciate a broader range of emotions toward just about anything and everything. Honestly I feel like the Grinch standing on top of the mountain getting ready to experience further damage to my heart and instead experiencing an immediate rush of love and understanding. It's beautiful that we humans have songs not only about love and happiness, but also about sadness and heartbreak. We relate to one another, and we express an empathy toward the stricken individuals that most other times in life we keep in check. We honor the strength it takes to pick yourself back up after you've made one mistake or another. There are many forgivable crimes you can commit against other people, but the strangest and most unpredictable are on an emotional level. At some point we all have to be the bad guy and realize that a lot of people aren't inherently bad, they just have to make a few mistakes before they fully understand the world and what their role in it demands of them. That doesn't mean you have a free pass to go out and intentionally destroy stable life for others - it only means that when you accidentally find yourself in a predicament where you've turned out to be the bad guy you shouldn't be afraid to come forward and admit what you did to yourself and others. You should be able to recognize that getting caught up in a lie or a bad situation doesn't make you a bad person by association. It only means that you made a mistake, and it's how you react once you realize the gravity of your actions that really defines the sort of person you are. In most cases overcoming obstacles serves to make you a stronger person with a bigger understanding of the world. It gives you the power to empathize and help others along the right path who have followed a road similar to your own. When a problem first presents itself to you it can seem like a black hole in your life, sucking in everything good and leaving in its wake bad situations and an abyss of despair, but the more you try to cover it or move on without facing it and accepting responsibility, the more you will find yourself stilted in success and happiness. When you've managed to handle a bad situation with the utmost grace, when you've served up your soul in its truest form and faced up to the consequences of your actions the feeling of peace and prosperity is one of the most wonderful feelings in the world. I have to wonder also, when Centuries by Fall Out Boy talks about the obscurity most humans face unless they commit some terrible crime, at the awful truth of it. It's true that some of the most well known figures memorialized within our societies are the appalling perpetrators of the most horrific crimes. We pass down the names and judgements in hopes that future generations will not repeat the mistake of trusting similarly inclined individuals but what now are we to do when our future generations understand that one of the easiest ways to be remembered is to become heinous and notorious for something. I guess it all comes down to good parenting, good morals, and having enough people in a society that are willing to commit their time to helping someone for the sake of human sympathy, and not to gain something themselves. What more fulfilling thing can you experience than the knowledge that your time has been well spent, the world is better for having you, and you will be memorialized in the form of other people stepping forward to do exactly what you have done for others. In other words I've been letting my slightly philosophical views on plagiarism lead the way as I ponder paying it forward, and taking the good, taking the bad, taking them both and learning about the facts of life. To further my cliche I'd like to close by saying that you can be anything if you want it badly enough. You can travel, make money, influence people, make real friends, make a difference in society, learn how to do just about anything you please... Anything you want is within your grasp. I always think of Where the Red Fern Grows when the grandfather told the boy, "If you want anything bad enough you'll get it. You just have to meet God halfway." Again I have always been struck by the profound meaning in his simple words. People grow up here being told that they can have whatever they want, be anything they want to be. It's become fostered into our social structure that if you want anything badly enough it'll just come to you. But that certainly isn't true... You have to work, prioritize, and put everything you have into something to get it sometimes. Sometimes things fall right into your lap, and you can count yourself blessed for that - but most of the time nothing can get you from point A to point B except a keen sense of determination and perseverance. If you want something bad enough and you're willing to put in the work, you'll get it. It takes a resilient person to use the roadblocks as springboards, and it takes an impressive person indeed to view the overcoming of these roadblocks as a fantastic journey that provided you with a deeper sense of understanding, emotion, and a great story to tell at the end of the rainbow. 

Jealous (Nick Jonas)

The days are getting colder, but not cold enough for those of us who are concerned that the Iditarod may be moved to Fairbanks. That would be totally bunk. Not that we don't have our fair share of events here in Anchorage and the Valley, but the Iditarod is pretty high on the list, and I was looking forward to it! While I'm on the subject of unfair events that skip our area, what's up with all the other states getting Warped Tour and we're only "Road to Warped"? I mean, it's basically the same thing, and Newfound Glory plays us almost every year so I'm not exactly complaining (especially with the mostly crappy lineup for NorCal this year). You just have to burst our bubble by saying we're "the road" to Warped tour, as if it's somehow less legit. Uncool. One thing that we are having is the Mud Factor 5k in June, which sounds completely hilarious. Being that I'm basically hunting for cool 5ks, I'm thrilled about it. I think I'll volunteer. ;) If you volunteer at the Mud Factor you get tons of MF gear plus free entrance to a future event! Also, they hold a big Fun Fest the day before the race (music, food, beerfest...) and they'll be having We The Kings and Watsky here in Alaska (among some smaller bands). The Color Run is obviously a must, especially with the new Shine tour offering glitter. I hear they also do a Night Run on the Color Run with glowing paint. I was really excited about that until some dream crusher reminded me that I live in Alaska, and it would be almost impossible to do a glow in the dark paint run on an Alaskan summer night... (It would still be light out). On the same day as the big Fun Fest for Mud Factor they're doing a Triathlon here in Wasilla with a 5k run, 400 meter swim, and a 9.5 mile bike ride. I am dying to try that one, mostly because doing a Triathlon is on my bucket list, so I guess I'll have to just choose between the two events or try to hit up both somehow... Either way June is going to be a crazy month for me! I picked up a ticket to see Fall Out Boy in Sacramento this August recently. Also Wiz Kalifa... I'm not entirely sure why Fall Out Boy is touring with Wiz Kalifa but whatevs, the tickets are really cheap on Groupon and I suspect it's going to be a blast. Finding all these great events in my area is awesome for me, I can't wait to try them all out. :)

Home (Phillip Phillips)

There is nothing like a day where you make friends, laugh, and feel like you belong 100%. Today was one of those days and I know it seems funny but I'm starting to realize more and more that when you meet the right people then you don't have to work for it really at all - you just click. I'm working for an amazing family and I get along really well with the mom. The great thing is that the more I find myself fitting in the more confident I become, and the more people feel comfortable with me. Today I spent the day at a superbowl party with a bunch of twenty year olds I had never met before. Right away I felt comfortable and as the day wore on and we talked, laughed, played endless amounts of games and eventually related on several silly topics I was really relieved to find that there really are people in my area that I get on with quite well. I showed up at two thirty after wandering up and down their street about five times and creeping out a few joggers with their dogs. Finally when I made it, fully equipped with five decks of cards, a game called "What?" and two bags of chips. Everyone was downstairs watching the game. I was quickly introduced to logical Nicole, whimsical Emily, wacky besties Ben and Kaylee, outgoing Scott, silly Dan, orderly Ellen and technical Zach. That may or may not be how I remembered their names. ;) Amusingly, Zach turned out to be a lot like another Zach I used to know, even if we didn't really hit it off as instantly as some. Most of the girls plus Ben abandoned the football game pretty quickly for a long round of games beginning with 'What?' And moving to Catch Phrase, and BS. Kaylee and I (the name similarities between us had both our heads turning circles all day) hit it off over Supernatural, Doctor Who, and our mutual distaste for seafood. Once Ben and most of the other girls had left Kaylee and I were still chatting it up over some card games with Dan. We were, that is, until some very heated rounds of Nuts began (Thank God they had a different name for it - 'Nerts' is a little less suggestive than Nuts). As the game ended we drew a crowd to the Nerts table until Ellen, Kaylee, Scott, Dan, little Dan, Emily, and eventually even Zach had no choice but to join. By the time it was eight PM the crowd had dwindled down to Ellen, Nicole, Emily, Zach, Dan and I, who went downstairs to watch the Maze Runner. We joked our way through. Overall the feelings of confidence and belonging snuck up on me. There wasn't a single point in the day when I felt that I was being targeted, or even aggressively disagreed with. I laughed, I played, I even correctly referenced "'Tis only a flesh wound." much to the delight of my companions. I've been informed I must watch "Galaxy Quest." All in all I guess there really is nothing like a group of people that you feel a great connection with. Sometimes if things are right you can just feel it, right off the bat.

You're The One That I Want (Olivia Newton-John & John Farnham)

The older I get the more I feel like I've found my niche in the world, and that I am a legitimate personality not because of what I do, wear, say, or even how people react to me. I simply am. It blows me away how much time even I have spent thinking about how others perceive me and attempting to be commendable in their eyes. Leaving high school is like emerging from the rabbit hole in Alice in Wonderland and realizing that nothing in life is how you thought it was. It's funny because in high school you really begin to notice things, especially other people and their feelings and motives. You observe them in interesting ways that are often superficial and skewed until you've had enough time with your new observatory skills to really get an idea of something more akin to the reality of things. I swear until I was in my teens I saw my life almost like a script. That isn't to say I was weak-willed; I was counted among my closest acquaintances as stubborn and "hard-headed." But because my parents were so willing to help me become involved in whatever I seemed most interested in, the suggestions from them were often taken. This habit of just following whatever suggestion I didn't have any strong objection to  became an interesting one as I got older and increasingly came into contact with more friends, parents, and other people. It's still only recently that I've begun to have stronger preferences about things. It's funny to be confident enough to express opinions without worrying about who will judge me because of it. It's interesting to find that these strong feelings about things are what set leaders apart from followers, what help you to relate and make friends, what help you to date. It seems paradoxical because you would think that a person who remains neutral and doesn't insult any one group would be the most likely to get along in groups, but actually humans as a general seem to prefer a straightforward if highly opinionated person. As I've grown older (An absurdity for me to be saying at a mere twenty years of age) I feel comfortable being myself. I can give a recommendation on movies, books, life choices, humans, cars, and countless other living or inanimate items without disparaging my own suggestion for the sake of the group. I feel a sense of freedom in this, oddly. I don't feel bad to tell people I like the Breakfast Club, Dirty Dancing, Grease, Hot Rod, Stuck in Love, Wayne's World, or tons of other cheesy movies. I think Logan Lerman is cute, I think Nicholas Sparks and Stephen King are talented authors, I think dogs are cooler than cats, salty is better than sweet. I think once you start admitting to the world who you are then everything becomes easier.
In other news, as of noon today it began dumping snow outside. SNOW. I am elated beyond the level of where I should be committed to an insane asylum. I cannot wait to get my feet strapped down to a board and start on my first great falls this year. Also I took a group ice skating lesson and learned that I am not nearly the klutz that I have always believed myself to be. I'm learning to skate backwards!! (Believe me, the muscles you work when doing that are muscles you weren't even aware existed before...). Snow sports, yeah. Maybe once I've appeased my family by getting enough use from my boarding equipment to justify the room they take up I'll collect some skiing things as well. Skiing equipment is common here. You can pick it up pretty cheaply from any thrift store. I'm not sure if that's common or it's just Alaska, because the people here are quite the outdoor fanatics. It isn't uncommon to find snowmobiles, four wheelers, skiing, snowboarding, ice skating, or just about any other fun outdoor thing you can think of using posted to the online yard sale sites. We'll just see how much I can get away with before my landlords put their feet  down. ;) 
I also rediscovered NaNoWriMo this week. For those of you without the writing event know-how that's an abbreviation for National Novel Writing Month. NaNoWriMo started out as a challenge to all writers of words regardless of age to write an entire novel in one month. In the adult league that means it has to be 50,000 words and must be submitted by 11:59 PM on the final day of the month. Originally NaNoWriMo was held once a year in November, but after the contestants began to develop into a firm community they developed a forum and began issuing monthly writing challenges of differing rules, and multiples "wrimos" per year. That's why for the month of February I am thinking of challenging myself to write a 50,000 word novel. BAM. I, too, like to live dangerously, sir. Just to emphasize my utter  lack of sanity or maybe my insane command of awesomeness I have chosen to participate for my first time on the shortest month of the year... Possibly. I think I'll take the rest of the month to ponder this idea. To be, or not to be.
It sort of annoys me when I see something that has so much potential to be a deep, somewhat obscure yet no less brilliant reference only to realize that the person who used it didn't mean it the way I thought at all and were not quite the geniuses I assumed. When driving down the road today I noticed the truck in front of us had a license plate reading "Brutus". "Wow," I remarked. I wondered what that meant. Was he referring to himself as a traitor? Was he calling us a traitor? Or was he simply trying to reference one of the greatest figures and lines associated with classic literature and betrayal. Out loud I said, "Look, his license plate says Brutus." expecting everyone else in the car to reach the same conclusions as I had regarding "Brutus" being a reference to Julius Caesar and his magnificently conflicted best friend. But the response I got was a bit more simple than that: "Maybe that's his name." His NAME??? And waste such an amazing opportunity to speak such volumes about human nature, classic literature, friendship, love, wisdom, and betrayal in one single word?! What a complete waste! The idea that "Brutus" would be on a license plate had honestly never occurred to me, but when I saw it and then imagined it not being used the way I would have hoped it would be... I was surprisingly annoyed by it. Maybe I'm an old man at heart, like Nick from the New Girl. ;)