Lucky One (Simple Plan)

It's been years since I had an interest in Simple Plan as a band, having felt that I outgrew them with the end of high school. These days it feels like these songs and their relatives serve mainly to remind me of another time in life; another me. But recently I discovered their newest album, and unexpectedly some of it has really spoken to me. The older I get the younger I am and, as cliche as it sounds, the less I know. The world becomes bigger, and even as I speak it looms at the door waiting to swallow me up if I don't step forward and take it on of my own accord. Some people let life live them, but I am determined to take charge of my own life and live it for the purposes best suiting God.

All my life I've observed people living their lives in different capacities and some altogether letting go under the pressure. There is no one correct choice for everyone, but every single person will encounter moments of crises and fear when they're not sure which way is best. It's most essential to remember to keep going and have faith. I love a challenge, I end up reminding myself. 
When I get lost in the big decisions or there doesn't seem to be anything great happening in my life I have to remember the small things. Eating well, going to the gym, putting in good work at my job, reading an excellent book, learning something new, dreaming up a new addition to my bucket list. The small battles can be the big battles when your personal health and general outlook on the world affect your ability to step outside the day to day and take on an unusual challenge. 
How can I travel abroad unless I first learn to handle my day to day finances? How can I learn to box if I don't keep up with my diet and exercise daily? How can I manage to do anything with the intensity I desire if I don't get a decent night's sleep? The small battles are the big battles.

Another great thing to remember is not to be critical of yourself. When taking swim lessons before my triathlon I remember how nervous and mortified I was to be taking a simple swim lesson at twenty years of age. But I made myself go and when I got there, there were many others in the class for the same reason, some older than me. 
That was a really big discovery for me because it made me realize that the people who truly accomplish things in the world are the ones who aren't afraid to be honest, to admit their weaknesses or lack of knowledge in an endeavor to learn even more. 
The people who allow the sometimes hostile world to dictate their lives and are afraid to admit what they don't know or can't do, are the people who never progress. The ones who aren't afraid to laugh at themselves, make a few mistakes and run with the program knowing that they can't control it are the ones who find themselves better adapted to take on life.

You have to get ready for what God and life bring your way. Life is like a roller coaster, and nothing says there's a big dip in the track coming like a slow, boring period of ascension. If you have a few moments to get your life in order, then make sure you are prepared in the little ways. Build yourself up in the most important ways: your bodily health, your mental health, your relationships.
 Give yourself little things to look forward to in the week. I have my zumba class twice a week and youth group on Sundays that sometimes is the only thing that makes the whole workweek worth it. Count the days you manage to eat well and brag a little bit! The milestones are important, and if you're an achievement personality like I am, cataloging your progress is important.

Don't be afraid to let the little sunspots invade your life. Smile, let your whimsy shine. This has always been a great motto of mine in life and more often than not I feel joy bursting through me like liquid sunshine and spilling over (I hope) onto those around me. There can be a lot of things in life that worry or get you down, and nine times out of ten it won't do you a bit of good to spend time worrying over it. 
When I get into a situation that I find distressing, I take a few deep breaths and think of something else. When I'm calmer I can formulate a better solution, and when I'm calmer I am doing the best thing for myself. In my entire life I have never heard a smidgen of evidence that worrying improved life or health.
On the contrary, worrying has been proven to lower not only your mental, but your physical health. Since I don't personally enjoy worrying or being angry myself, that's incentive enough for me to want to lower my contact with these detrimental emotions which, granted, have their place and time, but not the frequency we seem to allow. Letting the good outshine the bad in your life, "counting your blessings," can be a majorly positive change in your life, releasing your inner sunny disposition and secret adventurer.

Last but not least make good decisions about your time use, and who you allow to be a part of your life. For me this is the hard part. I'm the sort of person who loves to have a good time, and loves it even more dearly when everyone goes home with the warm fuzzies afterwards. Cutting things or people out is a hard thing to do, and it's a sad fact of life that is sometimes necessary. You have to have faith in your life cause to do this. You have to know as a general, what things you are meant to do in the world and based from that what is a good thing for you and what is bad. 
Some people in this world will crush your soul if you let them. I can only hope to be a guiding light to these people, that they will learn that whatever forces are at work in their life to make them the way they are is destructive not only for the people around them, but for they themselves.
Other people are just going through a hard time in their life and need someone to be there for them. In a healthy context, with the correct boundaries in place, this is exactly one of the life purposes we should all be carrying out as people of God, and also as general human beings.

Like everything else on this life, a balance must be kept. There are some people you are not equipped to help. Everyone has their problems and most of them will not be resolved through condemnation. Until someone chooses to realize their problems on their own and in their own terms you can't help them. The best you can do is to live your life in a memorably loving kind way. 
People will come to you of their own accord when they realize that you have a thing or two figured out. Don't let that go to your head though, we are all students of life, and we are all flawed. I have as many problems as the next person, and I make certain that I am never afraid to admit my faults.
When I am no longer able to be truthful with myself and others about what I'm doing wrong, there is no room to be duly impressed with what I've managed to do right. I'm just another face among a countless number, but the spirit behind this body - I hope that will make an impression on this world that has made such an impression on me.

I Saw Her Standing There (The Beatles)

It's June in Alaska, which is fairly predictable every year in the fact that the weather is absolutely unpredictable. Then again, the same may be said for every other month and season way up North. I've been blessed with adventures galore with my friends including last month's trip to Talkeetna. My three closest friends and I loaded ourselves into one car on a whim one afternoon and made the 2+ hour drive to Talkeetna. We spent the afternoon wandering the small town there, and ate at the brewery. It was a great place, filled with eccentric atmosphere from the outdoorsy cabin theme complete with wooden tables to the interesting choices of art in the bathrooms. My friends and I crowded into a table, chatting about the usual nonsense that true friends always do and ordering various appetizers and meals. The food was actually really good, as promised by our friend, chef Dan. It was the kind of burger I could imagine my dad really sinking his teeth into. The kind that you can be assured they made their own hamburger patties for, with that smokey taste you can't help but appreciate. The kind of burger that has real cheddar cheese and a toasted bun, and if anyone dared place a dehydrated onion on it they would probably receive the death sentence.

 We wandered across the old bridge onto the beach and chattered as we braced ourselves against the cold breeze and walked along the massive logs washed up on the beach. In the end we ended up wandering the local graveyard, filled with a collection of new, old, respectable and eccentric gravemarkers. It's a humbling thing to look on the face of a yard filled with remembrances of vibrant living beings who once graced the world and brought love, joy, pain, happiness, sadness, and purpose to others in the world. There were graves for old people, young people, soldiers, teenagers that passed in driving accidents. I don't think I was as humbled as my friends at the prospect of the graveyard. We wandered from stone to stone, and I was reasonably subdued in respect of the dead. It's curious how the prospect of loss affect even those not directly associated with it. 

I Need Your Love (Mohombi, Costi, Shaggy, Faydee)

The past week (and more, this post has been a long time coming) has been a whirlwind of blessings and fun. Monday is always a difficult day for anyone but coming from me that's almost a ridiculously ungrateful statement being a nanny, who has been known, at times, to be paid for napping. The boys and I have spent the past two weeks going to the park, the library, and the museum. Sometimes I struggle with being a nanny, in truth. I truly love working with children, particularly the family I have been blessed to work for, but the level of patience necessary is an ongoing learning experience for me. My friends Hannah, Lexie and Zach hiked the Butte with me last weekend which was a blast. It only took about five minutes for me to start huffing and puffing as though I were going to die and it must be admitted that jeans and a thick nonathletic Tshirt weren't exactly the smartest wardrobe choices, but nonetheless we straggled up the steep side of the Butte. 

There was a very defined order to the line of hikers as we ascended. First Zach, leaping forward like a five year old mountain goat, then Hannah, moving forward untheatrically as though she climbed mountains on a daily basis. Then me, a ways behind and pretending I wasn't panting like a madman and finally Lexie, who moved forward with the sensible grace that spoke plainly about the fact that she could go faster if she pleased, but wasn't about to run herself down for a faster ascent. I must say the sheer quantity of climbers surprised me, but the Butte was a beautiful sunny climb and when we reached the top we posed together for group photos. We attempted to escape the high winds by first sitting in a line on the bench, then laying on the ground, then hiding behind a piece of protruding rock, and finally gave up and descended. 

The following weekend started off with a sleepover at my lovely friend Ellen's house. We made pizza with turkey pepperoni, drove to Three Bears three times for ingredients, and by the time we were actually eating pizza it was sevenish and Dan was calling to invite us over for games and a possible bonfire. When we arrived on the scene thirty minutes later Dan was in company of Dani, Zach, and Josh; and the fire in the back yard pit was already quite visible when we pulled up. They had every game from Wits and Wagers to Cards Against Humanity, and we quickly settled around the fire playing. After the previously agreed time limit our friends decided to take the card games inside and as Ellen likes to rub in, I would have stayed later had she not practically taken my hand and dragged me out. After all, we had a date with Zac Efron on 17 Again. 

The rest of the weekend consisted of rock climbing at a local facility with Dani, Josh, Ellen, Jenny, and Hannah. The place was awesome and we all tried our hand at climbing the walls. They also had a tight rope of sorts set up with a very high tech looking pair of ratchet straps. Everyone took a turn hopping up on the line and trying to get as far as possible without the help of the line hanging from above to balance you, which, it was agreed, was for wimps. Upstairs we discovered an even more fun  invention which is the beloved Salmon Ladder. The Salmon Ladder, for the newbs out there, is an invention consisting of a couple of upright posts that have protruding notches of varying height. The athlete attempting to overcome the Salmon Ladder must take a pole held horizontally in front of them starting on the lowest of the rungs and attempt to pull themselves up and then swing the pole onto the next set of rungs. And the next. And the next. Until they either reach the top or fall. 

After our adventures at the rock climbing facility we decided to treat ourselves to some frozen yogurt. What followed was a round of game not necessarily recognizable to the average undiscerning game consumer. We started off on the tennis courts at the park with a volleyball, playing some combination of tennis, volleyball and kickball. When actual real life tennis players arrived on the scene to play tennis on the adjoining court we decided to take our somewhat volatile game of kickvolleyballtennis off the court before we harmed someone who might actually sue us and played frisbee in the rain instead. Despite my absolutely horrendous frisbee skills (Should've hit that frisbee clinic) everyone laughed it off with comments of "Oh, I thought we were playing BAD frisbee!" memorializing a previous bad bowling contest held between the usual suspects. 

Sunday night was taken up by the usual youth group, which was cut short by the not so usual sprint to the movies in time to make the 8:10 showing of Avengers. Much to the chagrin of my comrades I had already seen Avengers Friday night all on my own. To make matters even more comical I had been texted in group by Dan, Zach, and Ellen to watch a later showing with them the same night... The moment I arrived home from watching it by myself. Nonetheless I was more than willing to watch again with my friends on Sunday night ( I had developed more than a bit of a crush on Quicksilver) only to arrive at the theater and find the  8:10 showing sold out. So most of us bit the bullet, bought tickets to a later showing, and walked over to the nearby Walmart for movie snacks where we proceeded to act immature enough to be avoided by other customers, but not quite enough to be kicked out. Of Walmart.

On Monday I got my much anticipated first swim lesson. The Wasilla pool is a little intimidating, first because it's such a small affair and yet so much beloved, popular and crowded constantly. The most striking thing about the Wasilla Pool for me, though, is that it's actually the Wasilla High School Pool. That's right the pool for the entire town is on a high school campus, and they hold open swim hours during school hours. What even. 

Going in for the lesson was REALLY intimidating. They buzz you into the locker room where you take off your shoes at the door. Let me tell you, people in the pool locker room are not afraid to get naked in front of whoever the heck happens to walk in. The layout of the locker room is really open and the only private place to change are the actual bathroom stalls. Signs on the wall dictate that you douse yourself thoroughly in the open shower stalls before entering the pool and then you step out timidly for the first time into the pool area, soaking wet and cold. You wait on the so called deck for your instructor to find you and in my case, I was picked up by a loud lady who shouted across the pool area "MATTHEW!!! We got a student here for ya!" 

Matthew, as it turns out, was just a guy my age (admittedly good looking, in shape, and an excellent swimmer) who had been informed I was taking lessons in order to compete in a triathlon. Big mistake. Why did I admit I was going to train for the local triathlon? It only made me look more stupid when I started swallowing half the pool trying to do a simple breaststroke. All in all though, it can never be as mortifying as you originally imagine. I mean, wouldn't it be more mortifying if I didn't go and learn now? The sooner the better and as I am absolutely thrilled to be learning new skills all the time. Most definitely worth what humiliation I may endure. 

The party continued unexpectedly when I got off on my last day of work at one job and drove straight to my friends Ellen and Jenny's for a last minute movie night (Captain America: WInter Soldier) and sleepover/crash. Wednesday night I attended the Teen Group for a local church I've been attending with some friends, looking to get to know the people and take into consideration becoming a mentor of sorts. The people were cool, the pastor was awesome, and the overall vibe I was getting was actually quite amazing. I may even be sucked into blowing off my job for a week or two and mentoring at camp this year. 

Speaking of camp, I am just dying to go this year. And as much as possible. I mean, there are a lot of things I want to do this summer (ziplining, kayaking/rafting, paintballing, etc) but very very high on my list of things I want to do is camping. Every time I step outside and it's warm, I feel the hot sun, smell the unfrozen, wet earth smell, the trees, the slight breeze, even feel the rain... I'm ready to load up my car and go out into nature. I want to eat s'mores and play games by the fire, gamble for candy, exchange corny jokes, go for walks and hikes and create a thousand stupid inside jokes. I want the car trips in and out with awesome music and hilarious conversation and a mix of amazing and disgusting road snacks. I want swimming and dirty clothes, and meals that have been add-libbed at the last minute that we would never eat at home. I want it all, and I'm ready for it this summer. Great outdoors, here I come.

Airplanes (Rihanna, Eminem, B.o.B.)

The longer I live and learn, the more I seem to realize that much like the saying "Possession is nine tenths of the law," the truly inspirational individuals are simply those that decide to stop saying "Someday.." and instead begin to say "Why not now?" This year I have devoted myself to DOING rather than living on a strict diet of dreaming. I've begun to assemble a material bucket list (that is, a list of things I want to do). This list grows and grows with everything on it from "learn to dance" to "run a triathlon" and "learn to pilot a plane" or "become scuba certified." On my twenty first birthday I plan to take a trip outside the country. These are things I have always wanted to do but somehow I've always put off. It's scary to face up to the fact that you can actually do these things, to cross the bridge from dreaming to making your thoughts a reality.

 Somewhere I've always been impressed by triathletes, but when I realized a local triathlon is held and children and elderly participate every year I thought to myself, "What's keeping me back?" Am I not fit enough to participate in a triathlon? Well, I have a couple months to prepare. Am I a subpar swimmer? I can just join a class at the local pool. It has also occurred to me that some of the barriers keeping me back are the possibilities for humiliation. Isn't it kind of embarrassing to join a swimming class at 20? Then again, everyone has to learn to become truly good at something sometime, and who will be laughing when I turn out to be an excellent swimmer afterwards? Why do people stop taking certain types of classes at a certain age? Our dreams live on inside, and instead of continuing to reach for them some of us seem to just sigh and regret we never did these things when we were younger. Age doesn't cripple, though. I have seen many people well into old age who have continued to reach for the stars and their capabilities are far beyond that of their younger counterparts. What's the difference? The will to go for something.

To ensure I don't start slipping, I've decided to do at least one great thing every month. Since promising myself this I've joined several new gym classes including my personal favorite, Zumba (which I believe in part satisfies the "learn to dance" point). I've signed up to volunteer at the MudFactor, joined two hiking groups, become a solid member of a youth group, acheived an excellent job, begun to save for my future travels and hobbies, and generally begun the transition into becoming a figure somewhat like Jim Carrey's "Yes Man." For anyone who hasn't seen it, this movie is the hilarious epic of a man who has slipped into a sad degraded routine of a life when he gets recruited by a group of slightly deranged individuals who have a new philosophy for him. "Become a YES man!" They advise, their entire belief system is to say "Yes" to everything. That's right, everything. He ends up giving rides to hobos, joining numerous lessons from a posterboard, approving every loan that enters his office, going to that weird office party, attending that low level concert... And his life is flipped from its axis into a brand new weird, wonderful and crazy thing. In the end, of course, he realizes that this philosophy has to be modified - saying yes to EVERYTHING isn't a good thing, but why not say yes MORE?

Another great thing that has happened to me is that I started working for a family that lives a bit differently than any I've worked for before. Most families I work for spend their money as efficiently as possible to afford the most luxurious life they can. People have nice houses and nice cars stocked with the nicest of the their favorite items. This family has a nice car and house, but they don't buy new things just because. The clothes they have are all well loved and used, the toys they own are played with and extras are not kept. Their books are well read and their hobbies aren't solely materialistic. I have come to not only admire this way of living but decided to emulate it in my own way. Why do I need brand new clothes all the time? I'm not growing, and I have plenty. I have several pairs of shoes that aren't worn out. Have I ever worn out a pair of shoes?  Some deep silly part of my soul is thrilled at the idea of completely wearing out a pair of shoes until it would be mediocre to wear them again. 

And why not? There's no need to cast off our old things as soon as we can afford something new. Reducing my carbon footprint is pretty thrilling, but also when I have that much more money in my pocket I can only imagine now the kinds of things I'll be able to do instead. I have been quietly planning a visit to the old stomping grounds but now I've got this ridiculous idea in my head. What if my budget for that trip was something ridiculously low, demanding that I find more interesting ways to spend my money than paying some company to entertain me? What if I worked, and volunteered my time, hiked, and swam, and crashed on the couches of relatives and wore the same old clothes and spent my money mostly on the gas it takes to go see great things or learn something new? What a truly romanticized, hipster idea. I'm just young and foolish enough to LOVE it. 

I'm becoming the stereotypical 20 year old I suppose, but there is nothing so wrong with that. I've been dancing and hiking and working out and reading and dreaming and working hard but now I'm making plans too. And I'm ready to rock this world. Who's with me? 

I Want You To (Weezer)

It's amazing how someone can bring you down more than a few notches just by thinking of them and equivalently there are others that can lift you up just as much with so little effort. Just thinking of an uplifting person makes you want to burst out laughing, do a cartwheel, sing (basically act like a five year old). I am among the number who believe that these individuals are not put into our life coincidentally - indeed they make life worth living most of the time. Even now I can conjure memories of hilarious car rides and day trips to Great America with my best friend when I rode a roller coaster next to a Zac Efron look-alike, sauntering through a coastal town with friends belting Twist and Shout, a new years dance where my childhood bestie asked me for the first dance: memories that would never have been the same without the people I was with. Today I take a moment to be truly grateful for some of the amazing people I have been friends with, and events I have had the pleasure of experiencing. 

Recently I've had the pleasure of meeting a group of people that make me feel pleased to be myself. They reminded me that when you meet the people that really clique with you and make you a better you, you know immediately. Only when I met them did I realize I've been trying way too hard, and that the people I was interacting with didn't uplift me. Everyone has to have the strength to recognize the time to nurture a healthy relationship, and when to separate yourself from something that is poisoning more than helping the participants. Life, love and relationships, even conversations are so thrillingly organic, they never fail to impress me. Words give you the power to get along with just about anyone, but the way you use your words makes all the difference. 

Some people use words and relationships as weapons against others, a means solely to get what they want. They selfishly exploit an originally selfless and beautiful creation, but the most disappointing thing about seeing people of this type is that they have no idea what they're missing out on by only allowing themselves a disposable, plastic pretension. They're not fostering a healthy relationship that would ultimately improve their own lives. It's a gamble to put yourself out on the line for people, and it can be hard when others aren't used to someone being up front and genuine with them, but I have always found the rewards of doing so greatly outweigh the pitfalls that you occasionally experience as a result. I guess I must agree sociologically with the belief that most people are inherently good, and want to foster good. As for those of us who can't bring themselves to put yourself out there and be genuine, you're hurting yourself more than anyone else, and my heart aches for you.

The best time to make friends is when you're comfortable being yourself already. That way you aren't seeking validation from your relationship. The very best friends are the ones who are there for you when you're going through things that aren't very fun. Are they kind and supportive, or are they pessimistic and unhelpful? It's hard to let people go, but when they begin to discourage your personality and express unpleasant opinions about you and those you hold dear, it's usually a pretty good sign that the person isn't a healthy connection anymore. I've had friends that I had difficulty maintaining a relationship with because they discouraged the outgoing bits of my personality. At first I listened, but the lifestyle I led in fear of doing something wrong, getting into trouble, or even of simply wasting my time was worthless time for me. Doing things wrong and getting into trouble are valuable learning experiences that help us all learn who we are and where we stand. Never avoid doing something because you're afraid it would be a waste of time when the alternative is doing nothing... In my experience, trying something new is almost never a waste of time.

Friendship is such a beautiful thing in nature that I'm not altogether surprised that there are so many ways they go wrong sometimes. There are just so many things that can go so RIGHT with a loving friendship that the risk factor is more than compensated for. When you see two individuals in a healthy relationship, whether platonic or romantic, you can immediately tell. You know by the way they smile,  the way they move, speak, act, the things they say, the look in their eyes. A healthy friendship is such a blessing. When you have a good friend you can't wait to tell them everything, because you know they'll support you in your newest venture, remark honestly on your thoughts, feel comfortable with silence, but mostly you know they'll have an overall positive effect on you when you interact. When you've been in contact with a real friend, you'll feel better for it, blessed, and even excited about when you'll see them next. 

Friendship is also the door to the heart. When I see a couple that weren't good friends beforehand I feel curious as to how they've managed it. Dating, to me, is a stage of courtship that eventually leads to marriage, but how can you progress to dating someone when you didn't know them as a friend first? I suppose personally I hope someday for the kind of marriage in which I am the best of friends with my husband and can laugh and joke with them. I'm not really interested in spending the rest of my life with a person who can charm their way through dinner and a movie but aren't much good with real life problems and situations. In fact I've found that the moments I find men most endearing and attractive are when I witness them handle a difficult or awkward life situation with grace and humor. Life is pretty full of hilarious, awkward and difficult situations, so the moments that truly matter are not when they handle a good moment, but how they handle a trying one. Honestly, when I see someone smile their way through and remain kind to others, I feel a deep sense of appreciation for them. It makes me want to grin, and give them a hug. 

Honesty is another thing that's important to me. And general openness. When there a couple are so secretive that they're not even sure what to say around others anymore it's uncomfortable to spend time with them, and uncomfortable for them too. I love to feel as though I can be completely open and say what's on my mind. If I like someone, why not say it out loud, to them and anyone else? When friendship turns into love, honesty is often a side effect that just kind of comes with the territory. There is something so satisfying about starting a relationship with someone that's your best friend. They know you, they support you, and receiving love from such a pure source (love from someone who knows your flaws along with your strong points) is freeing. It makes love that much stronger. 

I am so much in support of dating exclusively your best friends, that I almost don't even understand the "friend zone" idea. Friend zone? What does it accomplish if you refuse to date someone you're good friends with? There's nothing to lose. When something is right, you know it is deep down. Stop resisting, and stop overthinking, you silly, silly people! Love happens, and you are not in charge of how, when, and with whom it happens. When love comes knocking through friendship or dating, don't turn it down, because you never know what you'll miss if you aren't willing to take a chance.

Home (Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes)

The past couple of weeks have been full of great times and a packed full schedule for me. Last weekend I underwent two separate interviews for job offers that I had gotten out of the blue. The first was only for an occasional date night sitter for a nearby family with three boys, but the second was closer to Anchorage and seems to have been exactly what I've been hoping for.
I hit it off with the family right away. They have three boys, Zebbie, Psalm, and Justice. They love music and art and playing outside, they have healthier eating habits that mirror my own a lot more than most people I meet or have sat for. Healthy eating habits have become more important to me since I sat for a family that insisted I let their children eat whatever they wanted. They had a boy who drank exclusively apple juice, and a girl who only drank cranberry, and that was all they would drink all day. They never drank any other kind of juice and worse, they never drank water!! It drove me completely off my rocker and since then I have always greatly appreciated a family who maintains healthy eating habits for their kids.
The new family I met are friendly and christian, and they are completely open to a nanny trying new things with their kids, as long as they're interacting together. They don't want their kids to sit around and watch TV all day, but they don't expect rocket science - they just want their kids to be kept busy doing constructive activities, which I can appreciate. I also underwent a sort of drivers' test. I was told that their previous nanny had been quite the crazy driver. Luckily I have been on enough nanny interviews to know when a parent wants to check in on something like that even if they hadn't explicitly told you. Also luckily I happen to be a pretty good driver.
Although this new job is pretty much an answer to prayer, it was really difficult to put in my two week notice at my old job taking care of an adorable six month old named MacKenzie. The family had been very good to me, always putting in the effort to make me feel comfortable and considering that the baby takes three naps a day and is overall happy the job would be perfect if I were already attending school. The main reason I even interviewed with the other family is that I needed the extra money to return to school, and when I explained this to my employer, Carrie, she was really very kind about it. Everything really seemed to smooth out when Carrie was happy to meet my sister Lexie to take on the job.
On Thursday my sister accompanied me to work and hogged the baby. Things went as well as expected considering Lexie is pretty much the baby wizard and she seemingly swept up the job before I could blink. It was a huge relief that Lexie was able to take it over since she had been looking for a job anyway and I've really come to love Carrie's family.
Following work on Monday I swung by one of my favorite thrift stores in Palmer, Bishop's Attic. When I had passed over a couple of snowboards that I knew would be useless in this wonderful new warm and sunny weather we've been getting in Alaska, I made my way to the back room where all the sports equipment is kept. It's always a gamble what you're going to find there. There are always an abundance of skis there, enough to fill two giant drums. There are shelves full of snowboard boots, the occasional pair of ski (shoes?), the ever present trio of skates that look like they've been used by hockey players and  the rest is always questionable. They get shoulder pads and gloves, cleats, and a whole assortment of random sports equipment from time to time.
This particular day the items I discovered in the sports section of Bishop's Attic fell decidedly into the last category of randomness. They were climbing harnesses and for some reason the moment I set eyes on them I knew I was going to have to try them on. I examined the first, keeping an eye on the other shoppers in the aisle and waiting for them to leave. The second I pulled the first off the shelf I knew it was too big, and sure enough when I checked the tag it was an XL, but the second was a medium and I fidgeted with it until every last person had left the aisle I was in. Then I made my move, stepping into the questionably large enough harness and thanking God I had worn my thinnest, tightest blue jeans that day. I had just managed to wiggle into the harness and was admiring my handywork and wondering if it was too tight or just kind of snug when I glanced up and noticed a tall redheaded man watching me with thinly disguised amusement.
I was horrified. Here I was standing in the middle of Bishop's with a decidedly tight harness wrapped around my thighs and butt and someone had noticed. There was no hiding the harness, or even getting it off in a discreet manner, besides I suspected he had been watching this go on for far to long for me to make a dignified exit. He examined a shelf of random donated items with a smirk to his features while I struggled out of the accursed harness with the alacrity that had thus far avoided me. I was halfway through escaping the thing when he met my gaze finally and commented, "Seems a little risky." "Yeah, that's true," I replied, removing the harness, shoving it back onto the shelf and exiting the aisle in the time it took me to utter the words. At that point I was so embarrassed that I had not only been caught trying on the harness but that someone had actually bothered to point out to me the stupidity of buying a climbing harness from a thrift store that I didn't even try to settle down and browse the store... I left immediately. Looking back now it cracks me up how utterly I was thrown by this occurrence. Why did I care?
The day before St. Patrick's day I headed over to Younique Boutique to kill some time before I had to go to the gym. When I got to the Meta Rose center, though, Younique Boutique was closed so instead of just leaving I decided to head upstairs to that gaming store. I had never been there before but when I entered it had some cool fandom based merchandise, and then a lot of other items that were pretty nerdy and a lot of secondhand. But the very first thing that struck me was the quantity of teenage boys flooding the place.

They were sitting at long white plastic foldout tables playing cards, which I might have not only condoned but loved to have joined in until I realized they were playing Pokemon.... Pokemon?? In my apparently none too valuable opinion, Pokemon should be a fad that lasts between the ages of nine and at the very latest fourteen... True, I never got more into Pokemon than owning like two cards given to me by some friends when I was younger, but I honestly feel like there are just better games out there!
 As a person who loves card games and has been known to break out a game of Fluxx, play a few thousand rounds of Loot, or alternate endlessly between games played with a standard deck of playing cards (nuts, speed, BS, blackjack, I pretty much never turn down a game of cards), I am offended by the idea that there are individuals out there who remain obsessed with a childish game based on an anime series created for children which you play by pitting made up monsters with varying made up skill and points levels against one another...

Probably the biggest disappointment of visiting the game store, though, was that they didn't have any Nintendo 64 game systems. I don't know about anyone else, but other than the obvious hipster points gained simply by owning a Nintendo 64, there are actually a couple of games I prefer playing on said game system. And by "a few" I here mean Donkey Kong. As a kid there were a few relatives of mine that owned both a Nintendo 64 and the accompanying Donkey Kong game and I grew so attached to playing it, that when the Wii came out, following by Wii versions of Mario and Donkey Kong I was actually kind of disappointed.

I wasn't much of a gamer to begin with, but when I tried the Wii I was positively terrible. When Just Dance 3 came out in the beginning of the peak of the Just Dance craze I bought a copy for my family for Christmas and we immediately fell in love with it, redeeming in my eyes the Wii. Despite my love of the game, I still to this day can never get a good score on Wii Just Dance. I love the Wii for Netflix, but I'll admit I've always favored an Xbox 360 despite my lack of gamer roots. It's just cool!

A couple of new apps I downloaded this week are actually very cool. I got the Red Jumpsuit App, which enables you to listen to an entire album of their music. I have to admit that prior to the app I actually had only heard one song by them, which was Face Down, but I figured I would give it a try. I was really impressed by their music. I'm not usually one to fall in love with an entire album so much as individual songs (there are exceptions to the rule), but I was pleasantly surprised to fall in love with each song on the album as it played. They were good songs, and prior to listening to the album I hadn't realized the Christian roots that Red Jumpsuit Apparatus has. I would really suggest downloading the app to anyone.

Another cool one I discovered was SeatGeek. It shows you events and bands that are going to be in your area, which is cool for someone like me who is always looking for a new thing to try, and a new way to fill the time rather than just sitting around. There were't too many events for Anchorage but there were tons for Sacramento, which will be extremely helpful in the planning of my summer trip to California. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do there yet, but there is a long list of ideas and I'm determined to start knocking off items from my bucket list (which I have begun to make up in physical form).

A few things that I have my heart set on that if I don't get to do this summer I have a feeling I will be accomplishing within the next few years are a trip to Yosemite, a good road trip with Portland, SanFran, San Diego, Arizona and the four corners on the list (this is only the beginning, I feel). I want to go to another country for my birthday although I haven't yet pinned down my favorite idea between backpacking Australia, a trip to Spain, a cruise (Mediterranean?), or whatever opportunity presents itself at the time.

This June I plan on knocking out the Color Run, volunteering at the MudFactor, (hitting up pretty much any 5k that comes my way), seeing the Warped Tour, completing a triathlon, and seeing Fall Out Boy, Watsky, We the Kings, Newfound Glory, and just basically taking every opportunity by the horns as it comes. I can't wait..

Some Nights (fun.)

"You did a bad thing. Deal with it." - Jess

It's funny how sometimes the simplest statements can seem so profound. I try to live my life in what I view as a good and moral way, but I think everyone gets to a stage of life where they experience terrible things they never thought they'd be going through. It's like you have this mentality as a child growing up that if you do everything that you're supposed to then nothing bad will happen to you. But perhaps having a complete and utter lack of your sense of adventure in itself is an immoral action. After all, this world was created a beautiful, wondrous thing. There are so many mysteries to be hatched, situations to be taken advantage of, and times to be run with. You really have to be willing to run with life sometimes. I didn't think in high school that I'd end up living in Alaska with my family and switching up majors less than a year in (I certainly didn't foresee the dental hygiene major that I started out with). I didn't expect heartbreak to lend me a new and more experienced perspective on the world that allows me to appreciate a broader range of emotions toward just about anything and everything. Honestly I feel like the Grinch standing on top of the mountain getting ready to experience further damage to my heart and instead experiencing an immediate rush of love and understanding. It's beautiful that we humans have songs not only about love and happiness, but also about sadness and heartbreak. We relate to one another, and we express an empathy toward the stricken individuals that most other times in life we keep in check. We honor the strength it takes to pick yourself back up after you've made one mistake or another. There are many forgivable crimes you can commit against other people, but the strangest and most unpredictable are on an emotional level. At some point we all have to be the bad guy and realize that a lot of people aren't inherently bad, they just have to make a few mistakes before they fully understand the world and what their role in it demands of them. That doesn't mean you have a free pass to go out and intentionally destroy stable life for others - it only means that when you accidentally find yourself in a predicament where you've turned out to be the bad guy you shouldn't be afraid to come forward and admit what you did to yourself and others. You should be able to recognize that getting caught up in a lie or a bad situation doesn't make you a bad person by association. It only means that you made a mistake, and it's how you react once you realize the gravity of your actions that really defines the sort of person you are. In most cases overcoming obstacles serves to make you a stronger person with a bigger understanding of the world. It gives you the power to empathize and help others along the right path who have followed a road similar to your own. When a problem first presents itself to you it can seem like a black hole in your life, sucking in everything good and leaving in its wake bad situations and an abyss of despair, but the more you try to cover it or move on without facing it and accepting responsibility, the more you will find yourself stilted in success and happiness. When you've managed to handle a bad situation with the utmost grace, when you've served up your soul in its truest form and faced up to the consequences of your actions the feeling of peace and prosperity is one of the most wonderful feelings in the world. I have to wonder also, when Centuries by Fall Out Boy talks about the obscurity most humans face unless they commit some terrible crime, at the awful truth of it. It's true that some of the most well known figures memorialized within our societies are the appalling perpetrators of the most horrific crimes. We pass down the names and judgements in hopes that future generations will not repeat the mistake of trusting similarly inclined individuals but what now are we to do when our future generations understand that one of the easiest ways to be remembered is to become heinous and notorious for something. I guess it all comes down to good parenting, good morals, and having enough people in a society that are willing to commit their time to helping someone for the sake of human sympathy, and not to gain something themselves. What more fulfilling thing can you experience than the knowledge that your time has been well spent, the world is better for having you, and you will be memorialized in the form of other people stepping forward to do exactly what you have done for others. In other words I've been letting my slightly philosophical views on plagiarism lead the way as I ponder paying it forward, and taking the good, taking the bad, taking them both and learning about the facts of life. To further my cliche I'd like to close by saying that you can be anything if you want it badly enough. You can travel, make money, influence people, make real friends, make a difference in society, learn how to do just about anything you please... Anything you want is within your grasp. I always think of Where the Red Fern Grows when the grandfather told the boy, "If you want anything bad enough you'll get it. You just have to meet God halfway." Again I have always been struck by the profound meaning in his simple words. People grow up here being told that they can have whatever they want, be anything they want to be. It's become fostered into our social structure that if you want anything badly enough it'll just come to you. But that certainly isn't true... You have to work, prioritize, and put everything you have into something to get it sometimes. Sometimes things fall right into your lap, and you can count yourself blessed for that - but most of the time nothing can get you from point A to point B except a keen sense of determination and perseverance. If you want something bad enough and you're willing to put in the work, you'll get it. It takes a resilient person to use the roadblocks as springboards, and it takes an impressive person indeed to view the overcoming of these roadblocks as a fantastic journey that provided you with a deeper sense of understanding, emotion, and a great story to tell at the end of the rainbow. 

Jealous (Nick Jonas)

The days are getting colder, but not cold enough for those of us who are concerned that the Iditarod may be moved to Fairbanks. That would be totally bunk. Not that we don't have our fair share of events here in Anchorage and the Valley, but the Iditarod is pretty high on the list, and I was looking forward to it! While I'm on the subject of unfair events that skip our area, what's up with all the other states getting Warped Tour and we're only "Road to Warped"? I mean, it's basically the same thing, and Newfound Glory plays us almost every year so I'm not exactly complaining (especially with the mostly crappy lineup for NorCal this year). You just have to burst our bubble by saying we're "the road" to Warped tour, as if it's somehow less legit. Uncool. One thing that we are having is the Mud Factor 5k in June, which sounds completely hilarious. Being that I'm basically hunting for cool 5ks, I'm thrilled about it. I think I'll volunteer. ;) If you volunteer at the Mud Factor you get tons of MF gear plus free entrance to a future event! Also, they hold a big Fun Fest the day before the race (music, food, beerfest...) and they'll be having We The Kings and Watsky here in Alaska (among some smaller bands). The Color Run is obviously a must, especially with the new Shine tour offering glitter. I hear they also do a Night Run on the Color Run with glowing paint. I was really excited about that until some dream crusher reminded me that I live in Alaska, and it would be almost impossible to do a glow in the dark paint run on an Alaskan summer night... (It would still be light out). On the same day as the big Fun Fest for Mud Factor they're doing a Triathlon here in Wasilla with a 5k run, 400 meter swim, and a 9.5 mile bike ride. I am dying to try that one, mostly because doing a Triathlon is on my bucket list, so I guess I'll have to just choose between the two events or try to hit up both somehow... Either way June is going to be a crazy month for me! I picked up a ticket to see Fall Out Boy in Sacramento this August recently. Also Wiz Kalifa... I'm not entirely sure why Fall Out Boy is touring with Wiz Kalifa but whatevs, the tickets are really cheap on Groupon and I suspect it's going to be a blast. Finding all these great events in my area is awesome for me, I can't wait to try them all out. :)

Home (Phillip Phillips)

There is nothing like a day where you make friends, laugh, and feel like you belong 100%. Today was one of those days and I know it seems funny but I'm starting to realize more and more that when you meet the right people then you don't have to work for it really at all - you just click. I'm working for an amazing family and I get along really well with the mom. The great thing is that the more I find myself fitting in the more confident I become, and the more people feel comfortable with me. Today I spent the day at a superbowl party with a bunch of twenty year olds I had never met before. Right away I felt comfortable and as the day wore on and we talked, laughed, played endless amounts of games and eventually related on several silly topics I was really relieved to find that there really are people in my area that I get on with quite well. I showed up at two thirty after wandering up and down their street about five times and creeping out a few joggers with their dogs. Finally when I made it, fully equipped with five decks of cards, a game called "What?" and two bags of chips. Everyone was downstairs watching the game. I was quickly introduced to logical Nicole, whimsical Emily, wacky besties Ben and Kaylee, outgoing Scott, silly Dan, orderly Ellen and technical Zach. That may or may not be how I remembered their names. ;) Amusingly, Zach turned out to be a lot like another Zach I used to know, even if we didn't really hit it off as instantly as some. Most of the girls plus Ben abandoned the football game pretty quickly for a long round of games beginning with 'What?' And moving to Catch Phrase, and BS. Kaylee and I (the name similarities between us had both our heads turning circles all day) hit it off over Supernatural, Doctor Who, and our mutual distaste for seafood. Once Ben and most of the other girls had left Kaylee and I were still chatting it up over some card games with Dan. We were, that is, until some very heated rounds of Nuts began (Thank God they had a different name for it - 'Nerts' is a little less suggestive than Nuts). As the game ended we drew a crowd to the Nerts table until Ellen, Kaylee, Scott, Dan, little Dan, Emily, and eventually even Zach had no choice but to join. By the time it was eight PM the crowd had dwindled down to Ellen, Nicole, Emily, Zach, Dan and I, who went downstairs to watch the Maze Runner. We joked our way through. Overall the feelings of confidence and belonging snuck up on me. There wasn't a single point in the day when I felt that I was being targeted, or even aggressively disagreed with. I laughed, I played, I even correctly referenced "'Tis only a flesh wound." much to the delight of my companions. I've been informed I must watch "Galaxy Quest." All in all I guess there really is nothing like a group of people that you feel a great connection with. Sometimes if things are right you can just feel it, right off the bat.

You're The One That I Want (Olivia Newton-John & John Farnham)

The older I get the more I feel like I've found my niche in the world, and that I am a legitimate personality not because of what I do, wear, say, or even how people react to me. I simply am. It blows me away how much time even I have spent thinking about how others perceive me and attempting to be commendable in their eyes. Leaving high school is like emerging from the rabbit hole in Alice in Wonderland and realizing that nothing in life is how you thought it was. It's funny because in high school you really begin to notice things, especially other people and their feelings and motives. You observe them in interesting ways that are often superficial and skewed until you've had enough time with your new observatory skills to really get an idea of something more akin to the reality of things. I swear until I was in my teens I saw my life almost like a script. That isn't to say I was weak-willed; I was counted among my closest acquaintances as stubborn and "hard-headed." But because my parents were so willing to help me become involved in whatever I seemed most interested in, the suggestions from them were often taken. This habit of just following whatever suggestion I didn't have any strong objection to  became an interesting one as I got older and increasingly came into contact with more friends, parents, and other people. It's still only recently that I've begun to have stronger preferences about things. It's funny to be confident enough to express opinions without worrying about who will judge me because of it. It's interesting to find that these strong feelings about things are what set leaders apart from followers, what help you to relate and make friends, what help you to date. It seems paradoxical because you would think that a person who remains neutral and doesn't insult any one group would be the most likely to get along in groups, but actually humans as a general seem to prefer a straightforward if highly opinionated person. As I've grown older (An absurdity for me to be saying at a mere twenty years of age) I feel comfortable being myself. I can give a recommendation on movies, books, life choices, humans, cars, and countless other living or inanimate items without disparaging my own suggestion for the sake of the group. I feel a sense of freedom in this, oddly. I don't feel bad to tell people I like the Breakfast Club, Dirty Dancing, Grease, Hot Rod, Stuck in Love, Wayne's World, or tons of other cheesy movies. I think Logan Lerman is cute, I think Nicholas Sparks and Stephen King are talented authors, I think dogs are cooler than cats, salty is better than sweet. I think once you start admitting to the world who you are then everything becomes easier.
In other news, as of noon today it began dumping snow outside. SNOW. I am elated beyond the level of where I should be committed to an insane asylum. I cannot wait to get my feet strapped down to a board and start on my first great falls this year. Also I took a group ice skating lesson and learned that I am not nearly the klutz that I have always believed myself to be. I'm learning to skate backwards!! (Believe me, the muscles you work when doing that are muscles you weren't even aware existed before...). Snow sports, yeah. Maybe once I've appeased my family by getting enough use from my boarding equipment to justify the room they take up I'll collect some skiing things as well. Skiing equipment is common here. You can pick it up pretty cheaply from any thrift store. I'm not sure if that's common or it's just Alaska, because the people here are quite the outdoor fanatics. It isn't uncommon to find snowmobiles, four wheelers, skiing, snowboarding, ice skating, or just about any other fun outdoor thing you can think of using posted to the online yard sale sites. We'll just see how much I can get away with before my landlords put their feet  down. ;) 
I also rediscovered NaNoWriMo this week. For those of you without the writing event know-how that's an abbreviation for National Novel Writing Month. NaNoWriMo started out as a challenge to all writers of words regardless of age to write an entire novel in one month. In the adult league that means it has to be 50,000 words and must be submitted by 11:59 PM on the final day of the month. Originally NaNoWriMo was held once a year in November, but after the contestants began to develop into a firm community they developed a forum and began issuing monthly writing challenges of differing rules, and multiples "wrimos" per year. That's why for the month of February I am thinking of challenging myself to write a 50,000 word novel. BAM. I, too, like to live dangerously, sir. Just to emphasize my utter  lack of sanity or maybe my insane command of awesomeness I have chosen to participate for my first time on the shortest month of the year... Possibly. I think I'll take the rest of the month to ponder this idea. To be, or not to be.
It sort of annoys me when I see something that has so much potential to be a deep, somewhat obscure yet no less brilliant reference only to realize that the person who used it didn't mean it the way I thought at all and were not quite the geniuses I assumed. When driving down the road today I noticed the truck in front of us had a license plate reading "Brutus". "Wow," I remarked. I wondered what that meant. Was he referring to himself as a traitor? Was he calling us a traitor? Or was he simply trying to reference one of the greatest figures and lines associated with classic literature and betrayal. Out loud I said, "Look, his license plate says Brutus." expecting everyone else in the car to reach the same conclusions as I had regarding "Brutus" being a reference to Julius Caesar and his magnificently conflicted best friend. But the response I got was a bit more simple than that: "Maybe that's his name." His NAME??? And waste such an amazing opportunity to speak such volumes about human nature, classic literature, friendship, love, wisdom, and betrayal in one single word?! What a complete waste! The idea that "Brutus" would be on a license plate had honestly never occurred to me, but when I saw it and then imagined it not being used the way I would have hoped it would be... I was surprisingly annoyed by it. Maybe I'm an old man at heart, like Nick from the New Girl. ;)

Be My Baby (The Ronettes)

Today I take time to answer the 36 questions that according to social psychologist Arthur Aron, can make two individuals fall in love. Aron insists that if a heterosexual man and woman enter a room, sit across from one another and answer the questions, then maintain eye contact for four minutes, they will fall in love. An undeniably interesting claim at the very least, and since this gentleman went to the trouble of declaring such a bold thing, the least I can do is attempt to test his theory. For now I will answer the questions, until such a time comes when I want to pull this trick out in order to force someone to fall in love with me. Could come in handy, especially if I come across Jared Padalecki or Logan Lerman. ;)

 1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

Probably Seth Meyers. Or Aziz Ansari. Or Melissa McCarthy... They always make me laugh, and they seem to have comfortable personalities - they wouldn't be awkward like George Washington or Bo Burnham.

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

I wouldn't mind being famous for writing a book, but nothing more conspicuous. Fame seems to bring out the worst in people and I wouldn't want anyone going through my life with a fine tooth comb.

3. Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why?

Yes. I am deathly afraid of phone calls with people I don't know very well. It seems like having a plan of action will help with my nerves, but really all it does is serve as a pep talk so I'm actually capable of making the call. Once I'm on the phone I usually end up ad-libbing anyway which, by the way, I'm almost always brilliant at paradoxically. 

4. What would constitute a perfect day for you?

Any sunny day where I get to try something new, learn, and eat good food. This could be going to the beach, a day shopping at my favorite stores, visiting a new country, learning to surf, ziplining, bungee jumping, snowboarding, hiking, camping. A million different circumstances could make up my best day, the most important things are that I have good food (probably pizza, Chinese, or Mexican) and good company. Because a good friend makes all the difference: if you do something alone it won't be one tenth as fun. 

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

I last sang to myself when I drove to work about an hour ago. I last sang to someone else about twenty minutes ago when I sang to the baby I'm sitting for. 

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you choose?

The body. It seems like the elderly have good memories until their bodies start to degrade. I believe if my body weren't degrading at the rate of a 90 year old then my mind would probably stay mainly intact. 

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

No idea. I hope it isn't uncomfortable. Natural causes I imagine, my family tends to stay on the healthy side if they aren't affected by extenuating circumstances. 

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

Skipping

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

My family/friends.

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

Maybe nothing. All the experiences have added up to who I am now, and I like who I am now. If anything I might have added more travel or gotten more involved - but I have always already been pretty involved.

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

Tricky. I was born in January 1995. My dad was a teenaged jerk, and my mom was a little bit crazy. When I was three my mom married the man who was to become the real father figure in my life. Growing up I can remember moving a lot. My biological dad would pop into the picture now and then for visits and gifts, but nothing too often. I read books constantly and was always involved in some club. Girl scouts, soccer, baseball, swimming, art class, book clubs, the list goes on. I remember living in a little neighborhood in Marysville with lots of neighbor kids. There was a little town in Utah I lived in and my best friend's name was Jordan Puttnam. I got a mountain bike that year for my birthday, and my parents made me a Powerpuff Girl cake by hand. We only stayed in Utah one year and then moved again to Alaska. In Alaska I was in a church group and volunteered at the library constantly. I spent my spare time memorizing bible verses and reading my way through popular books like Harry Potter. I befriended two snobby girls, Bethany and Tiffany. My parents continued to have children. At this point there were six of us, myself the oldest then Lexie, Katie, Abbie, Bradley, and Sam. At the beginning of high school we went for a visit to California and ended up staying for the next five years. My cousin Rachel and I went to rock concerts and Sunsplash, and had a thousand sleepovers. While in California another child joined our family, Lily. In high school I was popular. A lot of guys had crushes on me but I dated only one through high school who was my best friend. In the end it didn't work out, we didn't even stay friends because at the beginning of my first year of college we moved back to Alaska. I realized who my real friends were and have grown up more in the past year than I even thought possible. I became a full time nanny and a full time student. It was hard but I got through, and I have met a lot of interesting people nannying. Today I'm going to college for business, and I'm nannying, coaching a Lego club and living part time at the gym. My goals today are to see the world and try everything that I can. 

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?

The ability to put people at ease while they are speaking with me. I want people to feel comfortable and valuable when speaking to me. 

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

I would want to know who I end up marrying. I think that would be good for a smile. My interests in knowing the future are limited, and I know myself pretty well already.

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamt of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

I suppose I would like to snowboard. The main thing keeping me back is the lack of snow in Alaska. ;) 

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

The greatest accomplishment of my life is my education thus far.

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

Honesty... Loyalty. The ability to laugh over the crazy things in life and overlook the scary things in the world to see the beautiful. 

17. What is your most treasured memory?

I don't have a favorite. I've done a lot of great things. I have a lot of great memories camping in the Redwoods. It's truly beautiful out there. As much as I love a good shopping trip or a ride at Disneyland, I think camping has been one of my favorite adventures. It's relaxed,  it's funny, and you always bond with the people you are with in a new way. Being put in nature is an amazing feeling. Fresh and free. I feel like I could do whatever I want in that moment. I could start walking and just not stop. It's empowering. But it's also awing. You look up at those massive redwood tress that have been there longer than your grandparents, and you breathe the clear, fresh air, and suddenly your soul is free. A part of nature. You can feel the life and ages old power rustling through you. The world is only a planet full of living things, and you are just one of billions of other living organisms coexisting. In nature I feel small and large at the same time. 

18. What is your most terrible memory?

My worst memory is of my parents fighting, actually. Nothing extreme happened. In fact the only reason I remember so clearly is because it is my first memory, and it was both of my biological parents. The only real reason I list it as my worst is because it is the only bad memory I have really bothered to remember. 

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

 Absolutely. I'd probably sell most everything I have and take trips of all kinds. A cruise along the Mediterranean, a road trip across the US, surfing lessons in Hawaii, snorkeling in Aruba, boarding in Reno and Tahoe, backpacking through Europe. I would be less concerned about the future and more about the here and now. The main reason I'm not living that way is that I want somewhat of a secure future, but now that I'm thinking about it I should take a gap year sometime and live life carelessly. ;)

20. What does friendship mean to you?

To me a true friendship is something endlessly valuable. A friend isn't someone who is just like you; it isn't even necessarily a person who likes the same things as you. It's someone who would listen to you talk about silly inconsequential things for hours on end. It's someone who wants to be with you to do absolutely nothing - just to be there. It's when something crazy happens to you and the first thing you want to do is call that person and say "Oh my gosh, guess what just happened?!" It's that person you would stand up for in a second, or that when a nasty rumor is going around about you, you don't even have to ask if they believe it. You know they don't. Friendship is about outlasting the hard stages of life, remaining through the awkward situations, persevering through the hardships with grace. It's about remaining a constant source of support. It's about countless tasteless jokes that no one else thinks are funny. It's about those wordless conversations when other people are in the room and neither of you has to say a word. Friendship is a level of comfort with someone else that puts you at ease and makes you feel like you neither have to perform nor conform to norms. 

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

Complicated ones. I care sincerely about the friends, connections, and even employers that I have. Romantically I suppose I'm a bit more guarded. I try to be friendly and generous with my feelings, but I have a difficult time finding genuine, goodhearted people. Ultimately I suppose I'm fairly open about love, but only from healthy, reliable and sincere sources. I don't expend a lot of energy on individuals that seem flaky or unhealthy for me. I am open to love but not seeking it. Maybe I'm picky. ;) When someone comes along who's worth my time, I'll reciprocate interest. 

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

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23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

I've never truly wanted for love. My family is vast and if there is anything they give out freely it's love. They've always been affectionate, and if I need any of them they are there for me. I would say that my childhood was very happy. My parents always took time to nurture me, and my siblings and I have always been very close. I was even homeschooled when I showed an interest in school at an early age. I never dealt with bullies, I never felt that I was inferior to other children, and in fact I was a comfortable leader from a young age. If I showed an interest in something, my family supported it. Likewise I have always felt good helping them to reach their own goals. My family has always stood as a strong and friendly unit. As I have grown more and had the chance to find out what other families are like, I have grown to love the things about my family I've come to recognize as unique. 

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

My relationship with my mother is strong and also funny. My mother and I are close. We tell each other most things. If something great or horrid happens to me I almost always call her right away. We are very different personalities so I'll bite my tongue when she talks about zodiacs and she'll do the same for me when I'm obscenely insensitive. If I drive her into town we'll probably get into a fight over my driving or my vehicular music habits, but no matter how bad a disagreement we have, we'll get into the same car the next day cracking jokes and talking about life. 

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “we are both in this room feeling…”

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26. Complete this sentence “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”

Laughter. Loyalty. Love. Life. Family. Adventure.


27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

That honesty is important to me. An honest friend is pretty high on my list of valuable things. If you're honest with me, I'll be honest with you. If you're dishonest I won't be very comfortable being your friend. I can be loud and obnoxious, and other times quiet and reserved. A friend of mine should probably be willing to tolerate my affinity for knowledge, music, and adventure. Most importantly a friend should know that while even I admit I can be odd (everyone is) I would do anything for a loyal friend. When I'm good friends with a person I'm a good listener when they need me, a good partier when they need celebrating, a good silencer when they need comfortable quiet, a good comforter when they're distressed... I'm basically the full package friend!

28. Tell your partner what you like about them: Be honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

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29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

Oddly enough I can't remember any significantly embarrassing moments...
My first winter in Alaska I was driving into town on the newly icy roads when the guy in the truck in front of me slammed on his brakes. To be fair it was a dangerous day to be driving and several people in our little town had already ditched themselves that day, but when I tried to brake I found myself sliding across the ice. I could feel the antibrake as my car skidded without heed on a nice patch of ice, only to rear end the truck in front of me in an undoubtedly hard hit, not quite hard enough to engage the airbags. If you've ever been in even the mildest of accidents you understand how the adrenaline rushes in immediately. My blood was pumping thunderously through my veins, my thoughts were not forming coherently, and I barely seemed to have the strength in my legs (which seemed to have turned to jelly) to maneuver myself onto the side of the road. It was with a sinking feeling of dread that I watched the door to the truck open and followed suit. I'm not sure if I resolved to play the poor clueless and shaken young girl card or if it just came naturally, but I must say I was pretty brilliant at it. I was caught off guard only a moment when I realized that the person I had hit was a young and shockingly attractive man. He was wearing carhartt pants, a button up flannel and a beanie. Even though he had a bit of a beard, somehow he pulled it off and you immediately got the feeling he was a nice guy. The kind of guy that was probably married despite his age. All of this only served to make me feel about a hundred times worse about hitting him (Am I a bad person, or what?). The first words out of my mouth were an unsteady "I AM SOSORRY." To which he replied calmly "Is everyone okay?" I glanced back at my sister Kate in the passenger seat and gushed some more, "We're fine. Are you okay?" "I'm fine..." "I am SO sorry..." "I'm fine, is your car okay?" I looked at my car, still unable to get a full handle on my brain or mouth. "I think so. Oh gosh, what's that?" There was a round cylinder on the ground. "Oh that's mine," he said calmly, picking it up and deftly reattaching it somewhere on his truck. "See? No problem." I continued to stare in horror at the two cars before getting down on my knees and checking beneath our cars where I found a large piece of silver plastic, "What's THIS?" I asked with continued lack of thought and equal amounts of panic. "Oh that's from your car, see?" He pointed at the front of my car and I realized I was holding the neatly detached bottom half of my car's front grille. "Oh..." "Hey, are you sure you guys are okay?" he inquired. "Yes! Yes, we're okay." In the end we both got into our cars and obtained minimal damage, but that was admittedly embarrassing...

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

I'm not sure... I don't cry too much. I think I cried last over a scene in a TV series when some foster kids were reunited with a loving foster mother. 

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

Skip. 

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

There aren't many things, actually. I don't mind joking about most things but probably the one thing I don't think isn't a laughing matter at all are people who are unhealthy or uncomfortable enough with the world or themselves to create unhealthy habits... Habits that harm them mentally, physically, or emotionally.

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

There is nothing I haven't said that I would regret not saying. I've told my family and friends that I love them, I've made up with most of the people I ever fought with, and I can't think of a single person who wouldn't know how I felt about them if I died tonight.

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

Oh gosh I don't know, my phone? Laptop? a few extra layers of clothing? I pretty much have my phone with me anyway at all times. My car keys wouldn't be a concern. Probably the laptop, assuming I was already wearing enough clothing. 

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

That... Is probably the most disturbing question I have ever been asked... I don't rank my family members. I couldn't tell you.

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

My biggest problem right now is that I really want to buy a white husky puppy and name it Zuess, and train it intensely until I pretty much have a large, beautiful, protective, friendly dog... But I keep spending my money on random things (like my collection of snowboarding equipment that has seen zero use since it has hardly snowed in Alaska this year... Okay that's a problem too. ;)). I imagine you would respond by saying I should budget my money and purchase the dang dog... Which sounds like a good plan.




And that is the end of the 36 questions... I never thought I would make it to the end! There is some weirdly personal information in here! I feel like I know myself better after undergoing such a rigorous questioning. And remember, according Dr. Aron you're all halfway to falling in love with me now. So, either a massively self destructive move on my part or a brilliant ploy to drastically increase my blog popularity. I'll leave those of you who actually made it through this post to ponder that on your own. Until next time: Later dudes.